alphabetically... 
otherwise... Here's a random list to tide you over while you make your mind up
A child fathered by Kofi Annan 
paisley tadpoles in your piss for a while.
a pet ocelot
a video showing a handcuffed simon weston repeating the word 'clam' over and over for 1 hour 37mins.
A colourful rash just above the waistband of your boxer shorts.
The ability to call other people 'intolerant' when they start rolling their fucking eyes at you for whooping and chanting in the Bluray aisle of HMV.
Your own personal Michael Stipe who is already busy losing it in the corner...
A photo of Patrick Moore in a 'Kiss Me Quick' hat
Extra erogenous zones, on your body part of choice
The satisfaction of knowing that this is the one true faith and you will ascend to a higher plain on completion of the crossword.
the magical power to make anyone speak like janet street porter just by blowing on them
a pork pie hat
One of the Three Amigos.
A choice of 72 virgins or 300 nectar points
a faster broadband connection
Holy book available as a Podcast
Emerson, Lake AND Palmer
The chance to go back in time and redress the imbalance in the 2 against 1 sport of blockbusters.
a lifetime membership to the 'Paul Daniel's School of Magic and Buggery'
Matthew Hoggard
A dog basket made out of string
A Franklin Mint commemorative praying beacon fashioned out of finest 'Devere' plastic
The most impressive erection you've had in your entire life.
An executive producer credit in the remake of 'Press Gang' - a newspaper for the kids, written by the kids.
72 rotten crack whores.
Four and a half Jar Jar Binks rucksacks
A lukewarm upside down cake served the wrong way up.
A future visit from the FBI, possibly in tanks and almost certainly shooting fire at you.
Ecclesiastical dress consists of two half coconut shells and a grass skirt.
A key fob.
Coverage in Heat magazine.
Lebensraum.
Free seafood.
No reading big heavy books.
Birthday virgins
Every episode of the Transformers cartoon on VHS
Free willy
AIDS
Pavement's entire back catalogue
Death to the infidels.
All three of the Three Amigos
Buy 11 disciples, get the 12th absolutely free!
A signed photo of Paul Ross
noel edmonds, chopped up into little peices
sophie ellis bextor's mobile phone number
Tennis elbow
The crow from the Kia-Ora adverts.
Man-tits
Shannon Matthews
Africa
A mythical beast of your choosing (NB not a Griffin)
a Streatham egg
An urgent need to defecate whenever you hear the word 'fulcrum'
Personal teleport
An intolerable air of self-important smugness.
A buy one get one free trip to Lahore with two free Sri Lanka cricket t-shirts
