alphabetically... 
otherwise... Here's a random list to tide you over while you make your mind up
You've dropped your Gay Card, Alan. 
Your mum bought your trainers from Bejam
Haha, you don't know what fannies is!
Your mum is a prossie but nobody wants her so she gives it away for free to dogs.
Your car is a Lada but it doesn't even have an engine so you just bum it until it rolls down the hill.
Those are well fake Pepe jeans, you Roland.
Big Beards! Your retarded father can't even hold a rubik's cube, cunt.
Your dad's got two bums for all the gaying he does with firemen.
You got African bum disease off a Joey.
Are you a Benny tied to a tree? Argh - BENNY ON THE LOOSE!
You've got an eggy bum, you casserole.
Your brother gets tyres from around lamposts for a living and your sister untangles clackers from telegraph poles. They've both got VD.
Nobody is allowed round your house because your whole family is in prison.
When you grow up you want to work in Oxfam.
You like Spandau Ballet so you're a fucking queer.
You're on free school dinners? What are you, an Ethiopian?
Your dad was in Frankie Goes to Hollywood and they all bummed him, you spaz.
You're so crap, your gran cuts your hair into the shape of a bellend.
You can't afford any trousers and you've got no legs.
You haven't even got a dad you bastard cunt.
You're so poor your mum buys you four-stripe trainers and cuts a stripe off.
You couldn't even afford to go and see Star Wars coz your dad spent your benefits on a season ticket for Partick Thistle.
Your Sunday lunch is half a baked bean on
crumb.
Your dog died because your dad gave it bum aids.
Tommy Boyd wants his hair back.
tell your mum she owes my dog fuck money
Your mum sucked off Joey
Deacon in Tesco's carpark. Twice. While your dad
watched.
Dollar is your favourite music, you dustbin raider
put some jam on your shoes and invite your trousers down for tea, you skeggy bastard.
You absolute fucking Deacon!
Your mum's held more balls than Peter Shilton
Your mum hates you and
pays money for you to go in a
special school to avoid you
and also you haven't got a
mum.
For your birthday your dad makes you lunch of a dollop of plop between two slices of underpants with a cup of fizzy piss and then fucks the living daylights out of you for afters.
Your dad DIED. My dad only broke his collarbone! (Best true "my dad's harder than yours" taunt EVER, by an 8 year-old girl at my school after 2 dads had been in the same car wreck.)
Your mum shops in Netto!
Your favourite shop is Iceland because then you can lie about going on holiday to a foreign country to all your mates that you don't even have.
Your underpants smell so bad your arse complains when you pull them on.
You can't afford to have a bath so you just wash in your dad's piss.
Your backyard has a penalty area, marked out with all the white shits your malnourished dog did.
Your mum's dead and you had her for Christmas lunch, cannibal tramp boy.
I'm going to get my dad to come down here and knock fuck out of you.
Is your mum a prostitute? No? Well can I get my
money back then?
You've got two dads and a test tube
You've got fleas.
Your nob lives in your bollocks.
Who did your hair? The Council!! HA HA Now stop throwing shoes you fucking deacon!
Joey Deacon is your dad.
You're so ugly, when that paedo touched you up in the park he made you put on some make-up first.
Let's all go to Tescos, where XXXX gets his best clothes, n' naa naa naa, n' naa naa naa
Do you like BMW's? haahaa you like black mans willies!!
Your parents are those dred headed gypos from Itsa Bitsa and you live in a house built from cardboard and debris that took 2 minutes to build.
And the guy driving the HGV with the 'tache and who makes things out of matchboxes fingered you
Your dad's got AIDS because he got it off your mum who caught it off the Down's syndrome trolley boy up Safeway.
You went on holiday to Butlins but they threw you out because you couldn't afford any shoes.
You live in a caravan and your mum steals your clothes from market stalls you spastic
Fuck off you Poo fucker
You Are!
You shagged your sister and used an old crisp
packet as a johnny.
Let me see your tongue. Yep, that white stuff means you've got AIDS.
yer ma's in the ra and yer da's on the brew.
oi Turkey, your mum is so gay and poor that she is dead
your mum, your dad, your auntie jackie, your nan has aids and your dads a paki
Your favourite computer game is Pong — it reminds you of your mum
your mum shops at Netto when she wants to give you a special treat. you tramp.
