alphabetically... 
otherwise... Here's a random list to tide you over while you make your mind up
Man does something simple but fails clumsily. Woman does the same thing with ease before smirking at the camera and raising her eyebrow smugly. Another smug bint says something smug on the voiceover. Repeat every 20 minutes for thirty fucking years. 
"These new Tampax Pearls are so small and snug you can't even tell when you're using one" (*glances down at fanny which is pumping dark brown blood all over her white shorts) "Oh, fucking Hell."
"My cunt's been booting out a right old fucking stink lately" "Really? Have you tried one of these, you filthy bitch?" (passes her a bar of soap)
Dawn French is shaving her fanny with a Wilkinsons Ladyshave while Lenny Henry looks on. The slogan "Get rid of the boring brown twat" flashes on screen.
Three glamorous women and a great big bender are drinking cocktails in a swish bar. A hunky (straight? gay?) barman serves. The voice-over says, "fill the gaping hole in your fucking empty shell of a life - drink something dear with a pretty label."
References to "Women's Problems" get even more oblique. "Psst! You know, you know, that thing? That thing? You know, the "thing"? That thing, that happens? Well take the stuff. You know, that stuff, yeah, that stuff. Ssssh, its really embarrassing!"
A guy's about to give a big speech in a restaurant. His mobile rings; it's his daughter. "Dad, he's left me." "Of course he's left you, you ultra-needy cunt." Cut to the daughter's car filling with fumes. Caption. Homebase - we sell hoses till 8pm.
Dowdy woman enters minimalistic reception "Shat yourself have you? Try these.." Receptionist hands her a plunger and some Kleenex. Ends with her laughing with friends in a french cafe.
3 glamorous women at nightclub. One glances at watch and says to others "Giant cock break". After cheeky smile it cuts to them being pummelled into oblivion by a 20ft, 3-way penis.
A burly fair-haired man chops away at some wood, wearing only dirtied jeans, with the voice-over "Face it, you'll never, EVER be able to get this man. That's because you are fat and ugly. Maybe make-up will help but I doubt it." Ends with Boots song.
Opens to smartly dressed lady striding confidently into the office to the backing of a D&B remix of "Here Come The Girls". She pulls out a pair of MAC-10s and cuts her male co-workers to sodden ribbons; pops Maltesers into mouth. "Only 90 calories!"
Wife looks at balding, paunched, husband in a balti-stained 'Reading '87' t-shirt, slumped gawping sullenly at the TV. She sighs, and goes into the kitchen to open another bottle of chardonnay. Voiceover: "Jacob's Creek. Blot it all out, ladies."
"You're so stupid we don't even bother hiding our contempt any more. Pro-revita-age-lift-max, or something. It'll make you look 18, we swear. Just like all that other shit we persuaded you to buy with stupid fucking CGI baubles. Look at them swirl!"
"If you're fucking stupid enough to think that having some muck slapped on your face by a student and then going swimming equates to being 'pampered', then get your fucking credit card out & call us now. Probably be about a grand. We have candles."
"Take-A-Break! The ONLY magazine for shit-brained women with literally no interest in anything that has intellectual or cultural worth! When the revolution comes, you'll be first against the wall! But never mind that! Cheryl Cole! Her off 'Enders!"
This new version of our washing powder really will get your stuff whiter than ever before. I know we've said that every year since the dawn of broadcasting but we mean it this time. We won't be upgrading it next year, I swear.
You think attractive women like this don't get the shits? Think again girlfriend! She was pissing through the brown eye not 20 minutes ago - but thanks to new "dia-block", now she's off to a high-power meeting, all smiles and pinstripes.
"That's right, you walk past it and it releases the scent of flowers - by magic!" A man opens up the device and replaces the canister - Because women can't do technology and rely on witchcraft and friendships based on Glade plugins.
2 miserable cows sit at office desks and notice skinnier woman eating some chocolate. "How does she do it?" she asks her colleague. "I heard she shits out her cunt" the colleague replies. Chocolate bar 'Knickers' flies at screen.
Feminine hygiene advert features a woman who actually does bleed bright blue liquid from her gash once a month.
Close-up of sweating, trembling man's face, his eyes and mouth sewn up. Pans out to reveal arms sewn to torso, legs sewn together. He's being sewn into a coffin of his own skin by humming, smiling lady. Hobbycraft: for arts, crafts and cheating cunts
A guy is about to give a speech in a restaurant. His mobile rings. Dad, he left me. Of course he left you, you ultra needy cunt. Cut to the daughters car filling with fumes. Caption. Homebase. We sell hoses till 8pm.
"Summer's coming, want to get in shape?" (Sad, fat woman nods head) "Why bother when we can make clothes big enough for you and the 6 million overweights in the UK. From size 20-200. (Happy, fat woman in bikini smiles, hardbodied hunk eyes her up)
Tired of feeling like a stubbly
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Mum fills her washing basket with her 14 year old sons dirty clothes scattered across the bedroom floor. She picks up a stray sock, rock solid and pelted with sperm. "Fuck me" she says. Then PERSIL MAN GRAVY REMOVAL zooms to the screen.
Fat woman stands in front of mirror crying, gay Chinese guy comes along and says "even though you are hugely fat this nice belt will make you look good naked, honest. Now let me feel your tits". Huge belts....they'll make you slim.
Husband enters living room. "Sorry love, have you seen my shoes?" Wife stands up and saws him in half with an oversized breadknife. Ends with family laughing at dinner table eating 'sliced' Hovis. Background shows severed husband bumping into a door.
Lady lying seductively on large white bed floating haphazardly in massive swimming pool full of blood. She is holding a can of Diet Coke and laughing uneasily as the blood soaks into the mattress. "Have a happy period. Just for the taste of it!"
Danny Baker appears on a woman's doorstep and asks her to take the 'Cuntbung Challenge'
Close-up of cock and balls held at the base by female hand. Her other hand appears holding scissors which cut smoothly through the genitals at the base. Genitals detach effortlessly. "Hobbycraft scissors, for arts, crafts and cheating cunts".
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