Listopia

Itemised Hilarity Solutions. Delivered.

Putting The 'ME' Back Into LOOK, SOME LISTS

Get Your Bum Out For Science

Empowering The Future Of Film-Title-Word-Swap Comedi-Dynamics

Now With Almost 11 Active Members!

Sponsored By Electrolux

'A cocking good read' - Clement Attlee

Marginally more fun than a jigsaw.

"Jim Davidson for the Twitter generation" - Ruth Madoc.

Proudly Helping To Clog Up The Internet

It's fine, if you like that sort of thing.

Little Tykes With Rubbish Bikes.

Helping socially dysfunctional arseholes feel important since 2007, or whenever

Lacking lists of songs where one word had been replaced with a mild swear? Not any more you aren't.

Still the #1 Google Search Result For "Piss Hoover Bees"

Your last chance for someone to find you funny.

As Seen On CrimeWatch In 2013

Yes....routine does exist.

Almost as good a way to waste your time at work as having a leisurely shit.

When Retards Collide

In Real Trouble If The Daily Mail Ever Find It

Intellectual Anaesthesia For The Generation-Y Mediapolistia

All our posts are Halal

Officially the eighth best alleviation for internet-porn cold turkey.

Where Tourette's meets Asperger's

Littlejohn divided by Paxman times Gaffney

Where Everyone Knows Exactly How Popular You Are

It'll make <UL> <OL>

Lowest Quality Bar This Side Of YouTube

Officially Elton John's 9th Favourite Comedy List Site!

New Listopia, New Danger

20% off everything. Ever. (New members only).

The new and improved Viz

The cutting edge of cocking about.

Not for the remotely offendable. Or the McCanns. Definitely not the McCanns.

All Aboard The Giggle Bus To Laughter Land

Something To Look At While Life Drips Away

In The Kingdom Of The Unfunny The One-Joke List Is King

Free hats

Still #1 Google Search Result For "Dr Gillian McKeith's Organic Juice" - ahead of her official website.

The reason you're not getting a job with children any time soon

Keeping Simon Weston in the public eye since 2007

Where YOU can plagarise obscure comedy sketches and be hailed as a genius!

Where racism and misogyny never go out of style

Some Of Our Best Friends Are Black

Wishing A Warm Welcome To Visiting Members Of The FBI CyberCrime Department

Ein volk Ein reich ein Listopia

Where everybody knows you're lame.

Delivering Over 1570 Nuggets Of Chortle

It's why they do ICT at school.

Free Of SQL Injection Exploits Since 2008 Come On Hackers You Pussy Fucks Bet You Can't Break In And Ruin Everything

Hacking Into The Phones Of Murder Victims Long Before News International Made It Fashionable

Now you can draw the images in your head that we never wanted to see.

You don't have to be mad to post here, but it's certainly the norm to have some sort of personality disorder.

Brought to you by Shnurfh. You'll never forget the Alamo with Shnurfh. Now available in a can!

Fingering the Internet long after it's fallen asleep.

Cunting productivity in the fuck!

Carries the Charles Manson Seal of Approval.

2girls1cup? We've shit 'em!

"It's hammertastic!" - Peter Sutcliffe

"I wish I could ignore Listopia half as well as I ignore my 'check engine' light." - Anon

Don't want to post on B3ta because you can't use Photoshop? Fucking sorted.

Post a list now, before the Sun starts stealing them wholesale and crediting them to 'internet wags'.

The site where the voices in your head get all their ideas

A front for the UK's premier online swingers' network

Let's Get Started! Please Enter Your Credit Card Details

A bit like that film where Sylvester Stallone does arm wrestling, except with words instead of arm wrestling.

A silly place for laughers

Full of bad gits

It's like a black fly* in your Chardonnay. *severed penis

"I liked it so much, I bought the site!" - Mr Udagawa

Not A Million Miles From What Herr Hitler Was Trying To Do

A Safe Outlet For Folk Who Would Follow In Sutcliffe's Footsteps

Because you're mad as hell and you're not gonna take this any more

Everything you wanted to know about sex... catalogued by dangerous sociopaths.

Because it's not popular enough to get blocked at work.

Oh fucking hell, not you again.

Because You're Not Worth It

Because sometimes, wanking just isn't enough.

If wit was shit, we'd be the Ex-lax.

Once you pop, you can't stop: true of Pringles, balloons and hymen.

Join us today and discover the direct consequences of proposed new online defamation laws first-hand.

All the colours of the autism spectrum.

Now with added cock drawings

We've got our own Smurf called Stavros

Guilty LOLs since 2008

Come get skull-buggered by the listopian comedy penis.

Error 0x0E85 - Fatal Database Corruption

Not very politicaly corect!!11! LOL!

aipotsiL

"Jimleh is one of the funniest people on here." - Jimleh

It forgives but it never forgets.

Voulez-vous une list Monsieur?

For her sake I'm glad Mary Whitehouse died when she did.

Offering support and encouragement for sufferers of misfiring synapses.

Apologists for...well, just about anything.

The perfect gift for Father's Day

Kill Every Cunt

Spadger's Mum Likes It Up The Shitbox.

Not even shitting in a cup is this much fun.

Having some guts for garters

Tangier than bumdrops

A last attempt at glory.

The site that likes to say ...you cunt!

No more than three schoolchildren jokes at any one time please

Every entry takes us one step closer to buying a special wheelchair for Stavros - please post generously.

Lists covering everything from Aardvark to Aardvarks

There is actually one list about nice things (although I'm afraid somebody put dog-rimming on there).

Proud to be better than you.

This site uses cookies and your mum.

Better than the best thing since sliced sex.

Go away or be ruined.

For when suicide is just too much bother.

Listen Macht Frei

Warning: may contain cunts

Official sponsor of the London 2012 Olympic Games

It's the Kanye West of Humour Websites. No, wait, not Kanye. The other one. Fred, that's it.

Ask us about Rimjob Tuesdays

Now hiring all shits

Fifty Shades of Nob-Gag.

So you think you're a cunt? This lot do too, and they are mega-cunts.

Tough on lists, tough on the causes of lists.

Lists - The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.

Don't hate yourself, flow your creative juices down our throats. Then we can hate you instead. Why don't you call?

Shit! - You're still alive?! We were just having a party celebrating your death.

What the aliens will stumble across long after the destruction of earth - the only proof of humankind's culture.

You're not qualified for that job you just found on the other tab, but you're more than able to be rude to strangers.

Because it's cheaper than therapy and the prescription levy.

No we don't fucking do fucking student fucking discount.

This is your life and it's ending one list at a time.

The first rule about Listopia - You do not talk about Listopia.

No shirts, no shoes.

If this is your first night, you have to list.

It's my list and I'll cry if I want to.

It's our little secret. If you tell we'll cut your fucking face.

Free sex for every tenth visitor. Unless it's you.

The HTML equivalent of pushing finely ground Prozac up your urethra

2x20 Scrot Matrix

What THE FUCK are you looking at?

Welcome to the Shame Spiral.

The Web's Most Comprehensive Paedo-Snuff Archive.

"I've soiled myself laughing more than once. At least twice" - Kate McCann

"Fuck bikes. This is a better laugh" - Bradley Wiggins

"They're right. I am just an utter tit, and my art isn't really art. It's just a fucking piss-take" - Grayson Perry

"My art is a fucking piss-take too." - Mark Rothko (deceased)

"Sssshhh! If Saatchi cottons on we're all fucked." - Tracey Emin

'Loads better than the olympics. And they won't shoot you for drinking Pepsi' - Sebastian Coe

Stavros in your rear view mirror may appear larger than he is.

Coloureds and half-castes need not apply.

Best Weston Joke-tells

Have you read Paton's "Cry, The Beloved Country"? Basically, it's a bit like that.

Pick a pseudo, act the cock!

Part of The Department for Work and Pensions.

Home of Britain's Gold Meddlers.

Here to plagiarise a pub team quiz name are you? Well you can stick it up your arse and fuck off, cunt.

A monkey shit-flinging contest without the monkeys.

A lolly stick jutting out of the sand, with half an awful joke barely visible.

If you're pissed, start a list!

Jimmy Saville is a poowilly

Come for quiz names, stay for the filth.

At the end you'll think to yourself 'Was it really worth it?'

Where comedy trolls come to die in peace

Come on in for a break from the old Routine.

If this is legitimate comedy, your body has ways to try to shut this whole thing down.

Best viewed with Netscape Navigator 4.03

Blue Peter badge-winners get in free

Get your hand out of your trousers. This is a civilised place. Full of fucking cunts.

Open your fist, clear the mist and start a list.

"There's an insect, In your ear, If you scratch, It won't disappear" U2 - Staring at the Sun

Keep on, keeping on, keepinging on, Keepinging onon, keepeepinging onononon.

Fisting Your Fish n' Chips Since 2028

Copyright © RUBY WAX CORP 2009

What pushed Nicklinson over the edge.

Like a bulldozer on a Palestinian activist.

Never mind near-the-knuckle, this is up to the elbow. On the opposite arm.

For when you're too raw to wank.

Hitting you with the cutting edge of the blunt end since 2008.

For a Man's "Needs". (May cause damage to kidneys and liver. Do not use on testicles or labia).

Benignly Malevolent

You'll release unbridled tears of comic joy... from your anus.

A lifetime of rotting labia gags.

Loads faster than Facebook or Youtube.

Increasing poverty faster than George Osborne could ever dream.

It goes down more often than Tulisa

The Johnstone's Paint Trophy of online humour.

Mostly charmless

"I just laughed my arse off at yet another hilarious post from Jimleh. He really is a diamond in the rough." - routine

JIMLEH. JIMLEH. JIMLEH. JIMLEH. JIMLEH. JIMLEH. JIMLEH....2 seconds of fame, without the JIMLEH. JIMLEH. JIMLEH. JIMLEH.

Every 8th Post Is Entered Into A Prize Draw For The Chance To Bum The Stuffing Out Of Jimleh

Complimentary 300 hours community service for every post about dead kids (use voucher code AJMM12)

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Burn down an embassy for Baby Jesus #SEO

Garner some bumming nuggets from the Cretmeister

"I looked at routine's willy while he was sleeping on my couch" - jimleh

"My claim to fame? ..I once dated Jeremy Forrest" - Stavros McGinty

Winner of Big Brother 2012, as far as you know

Like jumping from 129,000ft.

Like Sickopedia but not shit.

Disappointing Tim Berners-Lee since 2008

We're sorry, but we cannot return any of your lists.

Do not put on nob and bollocks.

Funnier than bowel cancer.

A list of members is available. Please send a SAE and a postal-order for £1.27 to cover postage and handling.

Less painful than a buzzard sinking its talon into your eye socket.

Get ripped using this WEIRD trick in a WEEK

Local mom earns £130 a day posting to our lists.

The one-step solution for intimate feminine hygiene

Free fucks whenever you like. I NEVER say "no". - lockwood

Increase the size of your pissflaps by 200%!! It's amazing!!!

Home of Routine's long and swearing suicide

The UK's no.1 site for fisting dyslexics

All private messages have been sent to Wikileaks. They sent them back.

Now with over 5700 violations of Section 127, Communications Act 2003

100% Guaranteed Hair-Loss and Weight-Gain

Come on in and get yourself 3 months inside for any offensive comments you make!

Sign up NOW to witness routine's twice-yearly final resignation.

We R like SOO Totes funny!! #omglol #Iwearcolourfulfuckingmake​up​

A level playing field for fucking pricks everywhere.

Providing shit call-in topics for radio DJs since 2008

More unfunny cunts than a syphilitic whore convention.

Lots of clever, obscure and mildly interesting pop culture references but mainly jokes about fisting.

More fisting than a Black Power convention

Death To Listopia - Long Live The New Flesh!

B3ta QOTW for the TLDR generation.

Routine by name, Routine by nature.

Excluded from Google Translate by UN resolution 1274.

If this site was a car, it would be an Austin Montego - Jeremy Clarkson 2010

Refuge for the listless.

Deep, Insightful, high-brow, intellectual satire about shitting and bumsex.

Silly Little Vauxhall Aspirer

Contains users one entry away from being sectioned

Currently bracing itself in preparation to someone from a newspaper discovering the 'Possible Paedos' list.

The site that put the Goombay Dance Band on the map!

'member that list about Peter Kay? 'member? What were all that about eh? What were going on thurrr?

Genital yeasts, basically.

Drags smells across the ages

The Internet's Funicipal Dump

More cunts than RedTube

More socks than the checkout queue waiting line at Primark

Please contact the server administrator, webmaster@listopiaa.bumland.com and inform them of the time the error occurred

"My inspiration to eat healthy and do running" - Linford Christie.

You're accessing this at work??? Daft prick.

YAHD BAHTAH GAHT YAHSD TAH TAHLKAHN LAHK DAHS

Fun Fact: 'Listopia' is 'Aipotsil' backwards; It's not even a real word.

Leave a message for John Terry and he'll get back to you, you black cunt.

^^^^^ The word 'Listopia' but in a bigger font. ^^^^

Nothing a bloody good seeing-to couldn't fix

If you enjoy getting thumbed you can either join up here or go swimming with Len Fairclough. Up to you.

Not for use while breastfeeding or for people sensitive to fisting. Always read the label.

We are Listopia. We are legion. We do not forgive. We do not forget. Expect us. To come up with some pretty cutting puns

Come and share our mid-life crises.

Enter a world of primitive intellect.

No fat chicks. OK, fat chicks then but no Mexicans.

It's just like match.com ! Full of middle aged men pretending that they aren't

The slight froth on the emergent stool end

Are you looking for that books website? Well, no books here you four-eyed knuckle-fucker.

It's puerile, infantile, inane drivel - and that's just the good bits

Arse to the power of Tit.

The barren woman's Mumsnet

A bastion of intellectual discourse in a world of WILLIES!!!!

You could be watching a pretty Russian teenager getting sodomised you know.

Up yer bum no babies - Cretmeister 2012

GET. YOUR. COCK. OUT.

No Blacks, No Jews, No Irish

Meet local singles to fuck in <BASILDON> tonight.

Reading Listopia made my breasts grow seven cup sizes up, they really did. Thanks Listopia!

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Suck my thumb! {d}

This site uses cookies. To attract bears. And fuck them. We fuck bears.

The best list based site called Listopia on the Web - FACT.

ARR EY LAD ME BERDS PISSED AND DONE A TERD IN THE BED AN ITS GOR WEEEERMS INNUT...ANG ON ME PHONES GOIN

Like the Leveson report - ON ACID!!!!!

A warm welcome to all new members you fucking cunts

The internet's only list site since 1927

Like a pencil in your urethra; unwanted, upsetting and confusing.

List-o-pain

Absolutely nothing like that list thing from the News of the World supplement magazine in the 90s.

I spat oil

If this place was nature, it would be the mighty Yewtree

Listing listing listing, turtle power.

The only place I'm not banned from

"Lovely Stuff" - Shakin' Stevens

Listing to port

In my spare time I read the utter fucking drivel on that listopia - Moira Stewart

Verboten to the rat-people of Ipswich.

It's almost impossible to get banned

It's not Widnes

Minge, tits and duelling dwarfs

Oh my god I can't believe it, I've never been ...naa naa.. naa... naa... from hull.

A cyber donkey punch

This website is best viewed using Netscape Navigator 3.

Passen von den Gurke auf.

Each list comes with a part allowing you build a detailed model of Routine. First list only 99p, 4500 lists at £14 each

Follow The Bear

"Sign up NOW - we're always after new blood" says Arthur Ashe.

If you only read one book this year, you'll fit right in

Open 9am-5pm Mon-Fri, 9pm-6pm Sat, closed Sundays

Contains no natural ingredients.

I can't believe it's not better.

Soon to be a smash-hit Channel Four series featuring Justin Lee Fucking Collins.

Seconds of fun!

Only shitheads delete their browsing history after a full-on Listysesh!

Facebook for sociopaths

Would you like to see some puppies? It's ok, I know your Mum and Dad... Just get in the car.

ABSALUTLY RUBISH

...because even cunts deserve a democratic system.

"Ain't no place ropier, it's Lis-Listopia" - Jazzy Jeff

Will you ever return? Probably. Probably.

Linkedin for the unemployable.

Spill your seed: it's what we need.

Maek pensis biggar with one wierd tric

Directed by Quontin Taritino

I want to fly and run till it hurts, sleep for a while and speak no words, in Listopia.

Rather difficult to masturbate to. **** - The Guardian.

Less important than painting the kitchen ceiling - Mrs SLVA.

"Jesus H Corbett" - Max Von Sydow (in Swedish)

'I wasted years moaning about my bum when I could have been posting on Listopia. So I topped myself' - Kenneth Williams

Genuine black-belts only

If you're a crow, I will fuck you up - Bloblet

We don’t work hard - so you have to.

Can also be used to make phone calls, manufacturers say, whilst noshing throbbing willies

Where people with big vocabularies come to say cunt. A lot.

'It's more fun than cutting up corpses' - Gunther von Hagens

Counts towards your 5 daily servings of WILLIES!!

Must remove shoes before entering. Also your clothes. Definitely take off your clothes.. Slowly.. Yes.. Very slowly..

Caution! Filling may be hot! Like your mum.

Caution! May contain nuts! Like your mum. (my nuts) (and penis)

Caution! May contain your mum! Like my cellar.

Warning. May contain The C word, which is Cunt by the way.

8 out of 10 Owners who Expressed a Preference said Their Cats Preferred Listopia

Why Have Cotton When You Can Have Listopia?

If You Like A Lot Of Listopia On Your Biscuit, Join Our Club

ListMakingGutWrenchingBad​TastingDemotivatingBitScu​zzy​ ShitChattingLowLifingLast​ChancingNeverGivingFoolTe​asing​. LISTOPIA

Study all of Seaotters postings and it will convince you that you are not actually genuinely mentally ill.

Just a load of old toss.

Seems only fair to warn you - Top Banter this way lurks!!

Warning: Waiting to see if strangers will click a thumb icon may lead to loss of sense of proportion.

Catuion! May induce disciplinary action for some users.

Its not just grumpy old men. But mostly it is.

Where the world is your oyster. A pavement oyster with a small bluebottle stuck in it.

Now recruiting Youth Police and Crime Commissioners

If anyone asks, it was like this when you got here

More fun than falling off a wall - Humpty Dumpty

Where infanticide jokes barely raise an eyebrow but minor grammar errors are not tolerated.

'When I am not doing my rapping songs, I am on Listopia. It is very funny and makes me laugh a lot.' Kanye West

Disgraceful in the eyes of Jack Whitehall *camp pose*

Stuffs Daddy with the chips.

Falling under the strand of the investigation termed 'others'

Because sometimes you need to find a more erudite way to call someone an utter cunt bag.

It's like literary Tourette's crossed with Groundhog Day

'So funny I accidently shat all over my pans and baking trays' Delia Smith.

Free Parker pen just for enquiring.

Pushing shit through your letterbox like a troublesome neighbour.

6 Down: Home of feeble-minded, slack-jawed reprobates. 8 letters, Li-to-i-

Where the pearls of wisdom look suspiciously like dogs' eggs.

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Every post makes Brian Molko's hairline recede 0.375mm

Listopia is to mental wellbeing as asbestos is to lung.

Taking up valuable hard disk space in an anonymous trading estate.

Let's take a ride, and run with the mongs tonight, in Listopia.

Listopia iz in ur internets deleetin ur pornz

Farting in the eye of NetNanny

Ask your pharmacist for Aipotsil

Now, did you ever see what Listopia can do to a woman's pussy? What Listopia can do to a pussy, that you should see

The skidmark in your bookmarks

"I've eaten 3 kilos of Listopia, and haven't put on a pound!" - Feckless Idiot

CLICK HERE FOR LIVE CHAT WITH LORD SUGAR

[SLAHGAHN]

Dere's more to Listopia den dis.

Fill up our site with your bollocks and shite

Reading this? Up to some of your customers may be too. Do an advert on it.

Listopia helped me claim nearly £4.27 in mis-sold PPI payments! - Thelma Backscutlle, Bognor.

The site what done sex in a lady.