Listopia

Absolutely. I assume you're referring to the shite that has misappropriated the term 'R'n'B'...

Absolutely. I assume you're referring to the shite that has misappropriated the term 'R'n'B'...

That's the chorus.

yes.

The verse: Imma gonna love you girl girl girl girl, and we can partay, tonight in tha club all night long, i feel you honey OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO​OOOOOOOOH​

The verse: Imma gonna love you girl girl girl girl, and we can partay, tonight in tha club all night long, i feel you honey OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO​OOOOOOOOH​

[repeat chorus to fade]

All sung with that cunty twang thing. However, two amongst us have thumbed this down. THEY MUST BE DESTROYED.

This is no different to saying all rap music is about guns and ho's. Only Daily Mail types disapprove of entire genres of music, so I thumbed it down, girl... gonna thumb it down all night, yeah... oooh... etc.

I take issue with your 'Daily Mail types' comment. Have you ever seen how the lower classes respond when forced to listen to e.g. classical, jazz, country or indeed anything that doesn't fall into their rather thin terms of reference?

Well this is al getting a little close but all I'm saying is that I've yet to hear a song that is classified as R'n'B that din't fill me with a sort of despair.

Agree with both above. But because I don't listen to R&B, being white and nearly 40, I'm not in a position to say that it's all shit. People used to think jazz was all voodoo darkie music and destroying the yoof. Now it's terribly middle-class.

Jesus, I just done a rant.

IN fairness though, I'm not convinced that ones talent in R'n'B wins out in quite the same way as, say, Dizzy Gillespie

Angus makes a good point. There are different levels of talent and indeed quality in different forms of music, art, literature etc. Claiming that all e.g. music is equally aesthetically valid is, in my view, wrong. Hmm, not many characters left. WANK

But... do you go to R&B clubs and have you heard every R&B record ever made? I don't, so I can't say it's all shit. Some of it may end up in a Guardian Sunday supplement in 50 years time and be listened to by trendy types in ironic sportswear.

"Rubbish and Bollocks" as my Northern Soul DJ friend calls it.

Very possibly ponk. I can only speak from experience though and just about every clubbing experience I've ever had has been marred by the sudden arrival of R'n'B on the play list.

Additionally the ferocity and expanse of my invective was largely for comedic effect.

The irony is, I mostly hate R&B too. I'm just being an argumentative cunt! L0LLL11!!

Oh, Ponk! You are a one!

I haven't driven every model of Vauxhall ever made but, whilst some people might be fervent Vauxhall admirers, I can say with some conviction that every one of them has been irredeemably awful.

There a difference between what bores one, and something one doesn't find interesting. Barbara Cartland does not interest me, but she has never bored me (I have never bothered with her books)

But I HAVE found R&B music to be boring.

Fats Domino woud turn in his grave at this debate, despite not currently being dead.

I have to agree that 99 per cent of what is termed R&B today is kaka. There are one or two gems among the dross - Airtight's Revenge by Bilal springs to mind. Not that I'd listen to it tho'.

I am partial to Rather Fuck You by Akinyele, but more for the offense it causes when I play it at my son's nursery school.

Seriously though, what about Ignition (Remix) by R Kelly? That's pretty aces. See also 1 Thing by Amerie and Umberella by Rihanna. You guys really don't like any of those?

No. Bring back Guy Mitchell.

Oh girl, ooooh girl, you know it *that tingly bell strip thing which reminds you of chewing foil*

Thumb up just for the rantiness

Thumb up for being 1000% correct

Disagree. Latest stuff is weak but last album contained some fantastic modern pop songs. None of which was auto-tuned, btw.

My God Cretmeister, what depraved things did she do to you?

Lady Gaga might have a cock. That's not boring.

She/he is fuck.

"None of which was auto-tuned, btw" - citation required.

She's clearly not got a cock. It's another load of attention-grabbing nonsense from her marketing team.

"Marketing Bollocks"? I don't get her either. Though apparently she did invent clothes and music and we all remember those dark days when we didn't have either.

Ha!

She's managed to find a gap between Marilyn Manson and Madonna that no one realised was there. And by "gap" I mean appropriated the stylings of one and the music of the other.

Yeah. You're right. If only the non-parents could tell us about their latest holiday or their career ambitions, we'd all be riveted!

Good point. We parents also get treated like handicappers because we don't go out 5 nights a week.

A thumb up from me, Barbersmith. Children are fine. It's the parents I can't stand. "You'll never guess what he said yesterday: he said Dada" et fucking cetera.

Ha ha lockwood. Ha ha. No, seriously, please tell me more about what came out of your cunt.

STOP IT Barbersmith. You're giving me an erection.

*straps on military helmet and climbs under kitchen table with fingers in ears.

especially women who have to drag their sprogs into work after theyve dropped them. why?? I have to listen to enough bawling little shits at work in the first place, let alone anyones kids. little twats.

Oh yeah? You were flying were you? That's nice love. Stick the kettle on.

Especially when they claim to have dreamed something in advance of it happening. Coincidence dear. Stick the kettle on etc...

Bad dream recounted with some genuine fear that it might mean something. I don't have time to be concerned over this lunacy

Unless the teller says "you were in it..." in which case it suddenly becomes interesting.

Yes I know that the % sign is in the wrong place. It was a typo that I neglected to correct in time.

Was that because you were soooo fucking wasted ?

I had to read it twice, I was utterly staircased the first time.

Totally articulated lorried.

Where's Von Bleasdale when you need him?

Passed out in a pool of vomit somewhere. Speaking of which, it's Friday night and I'm off to get totally Von Bleasdaled.

agreed, but rafa is so hot with his lovely arms, how could you ever get bored of that?

he is an exception, tho'... Federer's withered Beadle arm makes me feel sick...

Don't forget Boris Becker's cock.

Terribly dull - especially the mens where it's all about who can hit it the hardest

I like the tennis.

Thing is, we'd all be good at tennis if all we'd ever done was train for and play tennis. No one ever just falls into it. And No, I don't think that statement is applicable to everything.

Have you ever tried wanking?.

And if you try to beat it by going to bed early, you get woken up at midnight by slightly pissed Northern businessmen going 'G'naaaht Graham'

And you will wake up at 5.57am to the sound of someone coughing and shitting.

hahahaha. This wins!

This is so true. I spent a fortnight at one miles from home while doing nightshifts. All you can eat breakfasts aside, it is essentially a prison.

Due to being single, a few years back I had to go to a Premier Inn with my parents on xmas day (cos they couldn't be arsed to cook) whilst my brother was smugly at the in-laws. We went to the adjacent pub for dinner, then went back to our rooms as the bar closed straight after. Unsurprisingly, the hotel bar was also closed as it was FUCKING WELL XMAS FUCKING DAY FFS. The evening ended sitting in my parents' room eating sandwiches watching The Royle Family. Sober. Then I cried myself to sleep

I don't mean to be rude, Sparts. But you should definitely think about stabbing your parents to death. Or getting a girlfriend, whichever seems less hassle.

I too, have had the frankly, suicide-inducing experience at being at one of these gaffs with my parents: We were going to a family wedding in Ponteland oop north so we stayed the night before near Prestwick airport. We had dinner in the adjacent Chef & Brewer or whatever, and at about 7pm my folks just expected my brother and I to bed down. We snuck out of the hotel and got cunted and played darts until it shut. I was sick behind the church in the morning and my Mum called me a cunt. I'm 34

Spectacular.

Bravo!

They should film that story and show it every Christmas

"And my great aunt smoked for 80 years and she's still alive and kicking so smoking can't be bad for you". Worst thing is when these twats phone into radio shows with their subjective waffling they always seem to get airtime. Gah!

A woman wrote to a paper decrying the myth about Essex Girls being thick. She's from Romford & has a degree. I realised she's none too bright herself if she thinks anyone really believes the cliche. She sent this letter 15 years after the jokes died.

Still, it was a good showcase for the gravitas of her Media Studies degree.

To be fair to radio phone-ins, the producers don't know in advance that callers are going to talk shite on air. A good phone-in host will pick up on logical fallacies and challenge them, possibly to the extent of total demolition. And then there's Vanessa Feltz.

I find Jeremy Vine is good at that.

Can the hail of gunfire come after the trip to Sweden please? I'm fucking sick of this messianic Aussie cunt, but I don't want another million years of his fuckwit acolytes bleating on about how it's so unfair that the law applies to him too.

Fashion people are the cuntiest people.

It's boring I agree. But I don't think it's retards who are interested in fashion. It's homosexual men.

Retarded gay men must be the fashionest people ever.

Yeah, but theres proper gay man art school fashion and there's the Sunday magazines fashion supplements repackaging the same old calculated shit to chattering sub-yummy mummies. One is a bit more Zzzzzzz than the other.

'Depending on the day of the week'. Surely it would be always Sunday

It's shit. It is not, however, the most boring Don MacLean song. That's "Vincent", where he whines on about how he wishes he had met van Gogh for approximately 187 years.

I fucking hate American Pie. Interminable tedium.

I don't mind Don MaClean, it's just this song gets on my tits because it's a bit of a pub anthem. Having to have my conversation interrupted millions of times during a mandatory recitation of the chorus when I was growig up used to get on my wick.

I preferred Don when he hosted Crackerjack.

Hi Ho Silver Lining also.

I with AD on this. I don't even hate the song- it's just boring having to listen to it so often and everybody feeling they have to get together and sing it. Obviously not counting those times I sung it whole-heartedly when pissed. I am a hypocrite

Did he write 'Crying'? Kudos if he did. Beautiful song.

When he was playing it at Glasto, he did the "This'll be the day that I die" bit SO many times that I was thinking of opening a quick book on whether or not he was actually going to and if that was going to be his big finish.

It's not so much that it's a terrible song - there are worse ones - it's the fact that it's so widely hailed as a classic when in fact it's thoroughly unremarkable.

I had a girlfriend once whose party piece was being able to sing ALL of it. i dumped her when I started to get irked by her other tedious habits. So, although I hadn't really thought about it much, I suppose American Pie is tedious by association.

The day that music died indeed.

It's a very boring song. He should have driven his Chevy over the levee and straight into the water.

Ran a karaoke night for a bit. This was not fucking available. Or 'Angels', or 'My Way' or 'Paradise By The Bastard Dashboard Light'!

[p] for mooks

*smugly* "Football? is that the one where a load of blokes run around in a field kicking a ball around?" "Yes of course it is you cunt".

Football is for gays.

Which is why all the players like putting mobile phones up their arses "for a dare".

Not my words. the words of roundrobin.

Hello!

Apart from this one. Should have made that clear.

All cars, and anyone who takes any interest in them other than as a means of transport

The fucking cunts.

"Here mate, I brought you a beaded skullcap back from the arse end of Whoopty-Woo" (*throws straight in shredder)

Shame, routy - I reckon It would have suited you.

What with your newly-discovered Jewish heritage.

"Yes, they're wading knee-deep through their own excrement and tripping over human cadavers in the street — But they're soooooooooooo spiritual!"

"The people of Coventry Stew...oh there were fucked. They were fucked and they knew they wer fucked Stew. But they had this strage sort of spiritual dignity to them."

What's that from? Is it Lee and Herring? I always think it's funny that people are so obsessed with seeing the "real" side of places they visit. But would a visitor be any better off for seeing the "real" England? Commuting from Reading to Slough.

You can always trump them by telling them about when you drove across Penza.

I've just watched that episode. I knew the Cameron story was a lie cos he used the same serious voice as he did with the Cunty 'The Cuntster' Cummond story on Milder Comedian

At least if you'd got as far as the title page you'd know how to spell his name

I can't even be bothered to spell it correctly - that's how boring I find him.

He's actually a surprisingly bad writer. He can write a good epic plot, but he can't describe anything or make a fight scene exciting. Plus all those stupid songs.

He's a fucking cunt and owes me about 9 hours of my life

Tolkien's not really about fight scenes, but 'can't describe anything'? What about the desolation before the Black Gate of Mordor? Or the Witch-king riding into the city 'over the hills of slain'? That's a description I haven't forgotten in a hurry.

I love you a little bit Dan but I basically agree with Babs. I'd rather I didn't... but I do. Sorry.

(I can at least spell Tolkien).

Et tu Lockwood? And from someone who knows who Thingol is too :(

There's a guy works down in Rivendell swears he's elvish.

http://www.listopia.co.uk/list.php?list=676

Join me lockwood. Your will is weakening. Stavros - you made me laugh heartily. Ta.

There was a Q/A on Univerally Challenged last night which confirmed what I'd suspected about Tolkien for years - that having invented the elvish language, he only wrote the books to give him somewhere to use it. Surely, *one* would have been enough?

Well he had *two* languages of course so he had to write more than one book

I was having an argument last night with Albatross and Sarahornothing, Sarah defied us to prove that 'Lord of the Rings' was admissible as literature. We won.

angus - I'm feeling lazy. Does this mean you're for or against Tolkein? (Mis-spelt out of pure spite).

I'm for Tolkien for the most part, though I admit to have had trouble getting going with both The Hobbit and LOTR.

I'd like to dig him up and photograph myself teabagging his skull, the cunt.

You'll find him in the Wolvercote Cemetery in Oxford. His wife is next to him so you could do two for the price of one. Going back to exxon's thing about UC, that's an over-simplification - the earliest language notes date from 1914, the same time as the earliest stories. They evolved in parallel.

Bloody fuck, I thumbed this down when I meant to thumb it up. Agree wholeheartedly with this.

To be clear: I'm not bothered if people hate the olympics I just can't be arsed with those twats who claim they will refuse to watch TV or boycott the sponsors or stay indoors for 3 weeks. I just don't care.

Like those people who organised a non-royal wedding street party. Seemed like a funny idea but it smacked of pure look-at-me-ism. I wasn't interested in the Royal Wedding so I quietly ignored it. "I SO WASN'T BOTHERED I JUST DID SOME DIY INSTEAD!!"

I had a lie-in whilst my wife watched it with my four-year-old kid. First lie-in in fucking ages!

I was against the London olympics in 2008, even before the Chinese ones happened. Beat that Olympicunts

Produced some decent bands. Maybe this is why though.

Have you ever been to Bushey, Hertfordshire (but suburb of London). Fucking Hell.

I have been to Bushey several times. It's a huge expanse of toss.

@MikeAlx Great stuff always comes from shit. See also: The Jam - Woking, Suede - Haywards Heath.. Note I didn't just Weller as Messrs Buckler and and Foxton are damn fine musicians in their own right.

Rick Buckler was a shit drummer. Good French Polisher though, luckily.

The people of Coventry Stew - they had nothing

@angry_hippy: good theory. Stourbridge also comes to mind.

This, so very much this. The man makes flies washing their anuses on your dinner so look fascinating.

Plus, all the pretense that there's anything more than randomness and idiocy governing the outcome.

The only skill is being able to calculate on the fly the median of the values remaining when the banker makes a offer.

It's fucking shit and anyone who thinks even slightly different should be chopped up. FACT.

Ta.

I always cry at weddings.

That is because you are a fat gay man. xx

I was pretending to be Stubby Kaye. Who admittedly, was fat. And now that I reflect, the title is 'I love to cry at weddings'. But I ain't no gay.

The ceremony, the photos and the speeches (apart from the occasional good best man's speech) are as dull as ditchwater. But the free piss-up is not boring.

Weddings, no. Receptions, yes.

Any Answers is the saddest one. It's the Daily Mail letters page live on air

Awwww, McGinty....would you like to borrow my balls for a bit? No? THEN SHUT UP AND PLAY.

It's your fucking turn you shit. See what other mad

grrrr, see what other made up words you can use.

I presume you're playing online, in which case you can't use any made-up words at all. Anyway, shame on you Lockwood for taking cruel advantage of the semi-literati to boost your score average.

I'm not making up words. They're all Scrabble-allowed. He's just a mewling newbie.

Can you get 2/3rds of a letter?

Whereas the Scrabble I used to play didn't involve real words. You had to make a word up and attribute a meaning to it. It did lead to a lexicon of definitions comprised entirely of in-jokes.

Are you using the SOWPODS or Collins dictionary? If you don't like all the little two-letter words use Collins. Simple.

Fuck you Exxon. xx

On a related note, playing Scrabble on Bookface with strangers posing as "beginners" who then come up with all these tiny words, even before we start running out of tiles. QZ - A species of canary native to Peru, ZK - A form of slow torture, etc.

What?

Very drole

Droll. I meant Droll

too late

A politicised militant type writes: Celtic whingers would do well to look to the history of their own mercantile class before blaming the English for their general heavily crapped-upon malaise. Yesindeed.

This gets my Sassenach thumb.

"OK then, you guys win. I'll force myself to stay away from Glasgow. You'll still be turning up in force in Blackpool all Summer wearing your national flag like a cape and behaving like a civilised, developed human being though won't you? Oh good."

I went busking many years ago. I, however, had the decency to play a proper instrument and proper tunes.

Don't tell me, you played a guitar and you played Losing My Religion and Here Comes The Sun.

Wrong on both counts. Try again.

Sackbut, "Poker Face" and "Learning To Fly"

'I Am The Doctor' and 'Who Are You'

Certainly agree that golf club types can be a bit cunty, but there's fun to be had in stuffing a golf bag with eight cans of Stella and 20 Embassy No.1 and lauging at your own ineptitude with a few mates.

But that's not really golf is it? That's just drinking and smoking, both of which I heartily endorse.

I suppose you're right. They are the two key ingredients. Have a thumb then.

Thanks, and may God bless you.

Golf types are in the main utterly twattish, but it's four hours fresh air in pleasant surroundings and hearing that ping when you hit the ball sweetly is very satisfying.

Nicely put Mr McGinty.

Plus there's the added thrill from the danger of falling into the hole, eh Stav?

Ha!

I fucking love a game of golf. I'm shit, but I love being out on the course, playing dodgems with the carts, smoking pot and laughing hysterically about the fact I can't get the ball to sit on the tee.

Mooks knows the score. Golf is fucking brilliant fun.

Never a truer word Routine, never a truer word.

What's the point?

Maybe to gauge the interest from your new partner? If she's OK with soft-focus gentle tampering she might be OK with a crack-whore sucking a shire horse off while a dog fucks her, eventually.

Good point. If she's willing to make an effort, this should take about three days.

If that. 10 Mins.

You could do it like in A Clockwork Orange, but in reverse.

I reckon soon everyone will get so desensitised to hardcore porn, they'll start finding softcore incredibly erotic again. Before long we'll all be wanking to pictures of Victorian ladies clothed in six layers up to the chin.

Or else it will go the other way, and it will only be women with their skin flayed off that provide sufficient stimulation.

Oh yes.

Pah! Bourgeois propaganda.

The general drift of everything they say is, "Smash the system" - but can they think of anything interesting or pragmatic to replace it with? No.

What was the film/book/TV show where they suggested rebuilding society and their plans were exactly the same as the current model? I think it was a comedy, if that helps.

Citizen Smith?

I don't think they have any idea of what anarchy actually means. Either they're advocating the rule of brute force and mob rule. Or they want to smash the system and replace it with a new heavily regulated and highly bureaucratic system. Cunterinos.

I think it may have been more recent than that, but thanks anyway routine. I realise I've not given a lot to work with.

Get Some In?

My Family?

Hippies?

Politicised doesn't mean the same as militant. And militant doesn't automatically mean anarchist. I think you're confused.

Thanks for the help. If it's any use, I remember a discussion about how someone could supply the community with bread, and one of the characters pointed out that that would be a baker.

An astute observation Lockwood. You are absolutely correct: "politicised" and "militant" don't mean the same thing. That's why one needs both words to describe those people who are 1, politicised, and 2, militant.

Meaning 'politicised' (ie, taking an active interest in politics, generally), in this context, was wrong. *Politically* militant or, as it transpires, anarchist, is seemingly what you meant...oh, never fucking mind.

No. "Politicised" and "militant" are adjectives. One may legitimately assign two adjectives to a noun ("types" in my case). I did not intend to assign any descriptor to "militant", as in your example. No confusion. God this is boring.

http://tinypic.com/r/wc0hg7/7

That's me is it?

Join the club, pal.

(or are you being ironic?)

Damn, wheres the "shouldnt fancy but do" list?

I call them "we are lying cunts.com", because I know someone whose car they refused to buy.

To be fair, it was on fire at the time.

and not a car but a phonebox

And not, strictly speaking, HIS phonebox, as it had outstanding HP payments on it.

Instantly transforms me back into an arsey teenager.

Instantly transforms me back into an arsey teenager.

I never had that, my parents were easy going.

My missus and I stayed at my parents' for a month or so after a house we were buying fell through. Made me wonder how the hell I managed to live with them for 18 years without actually killing somebody.

It tastes of acceptance of your own mortality.

It does if you use Heinz's 'Acceptance Of Your Own Mortality' dressing. I prefer Caesar to be honest.

Routine, do you have Scottish genes?

Not that I am aware of although I am a violent sectarian alcoholic so who knows?

I was going to add "what is the point of cucumber", but realised that I might sound like a BBC1 comedian. From 15 years ago.

Salad is just water held together by brightly-coloured particles.

Routine, that last remark was POETRY. I'm going to use that one!

Not just poetry, but a pithy description of Life in its entirety.

I nominate Gladiator. Stopped me going to the cinema for years.

I quite like battle scenes so no, thumb down.

But the best bit is always when the gight comes down to the two guys you actually give a shit about. I find the first Lord of the Rings far more watchable because it's Aragorn or whoever vs a finite amount of discernable opponents. I

And car chases. Don't forget car chases. "We've run out of plot and we've still got an hour and 20 minutes to fill. Let's smash up some cars for the benefit of our target audience of fuckwits with the attention span of a coked-up gadfly."

Sweet mother of piss, yes. I program the bastard things for a living but don't see why everyone expects me to love them any more than a plumber would piss about with bits of copper pipe for fun when he goes home.

Yes. Yes! Oh, fucking YES!! This would be in Room 101a -- next to the post-football match analysis room. However, Rimm, it may please you to know I have no intention of explaining why I think this. That would involve having to talk about it myself.

Or, here's thinking outside the box for a moment, FUCKING TEACH SOMEONE. That way the next generation of degenerates might get somewhere near to the pitiful example you're seting right now, you fucking useless lazy cunts.

I've been thinking this for a while. Basically, they aren't doing their jobs properly. This is effectively the cliffhanger to episode three of Logopolis.

What kind of educational example are you seting, routy?

If the Master and the Doctor had rubbed willies instead of shaking hands

Logopenis.

Agreed, and precious few decent tracks after the first album. Irritating fake-Bowie accent too.

Not just me then.

Time to spice things up : http://www.fleshlight-international.eu/alien/

Also the plumpest model has been excluded from the latest bravissimo catalogue. *sob*

Heather is still prime billing though.

agreed, but Matt baker is so hot with his lovely smile, how could you ever get bored?

I see what's going on here.

agreed

When I used to be capable of striking up relationships with girls I would ofetn take them to Amsterdam for a weekend. This means you have to go round the place every time. First time was interesting but by the 10th I was just muttering "fuck her".

Same as the book - great story but I always find the ending really rushed.

Monday January 2nd. Wish I hadn't asked for a drum-set for Christmas.

Tuesday Jan 3rd. Am thinking of becoming a Trappist.

I did see Bruce Dickinson in there once though.

Invariably either a complete rip-off of something else, or else a vague unstructured ramble, making it abundantly clear that they've never put a story together in their life.

I'VE got this GREAT idea for a film script. It's about this serial killer who... ....copycat killer.. ...cop on the edge.. buddy concerned... .taken off the case... titty bar...now it's personal... shoot-up.

Or where people think an idea is the same as a story. "Imagine if everybody in the world, yeah, suddenly became deaf". "Yeah that'd be terrible. Then what happens?"

The LSO would be fucked.

NOW we've got a story...

Yeah, apart from the derivative, this is the other thing - "great idea for a film" followed by something with no characters, no conflict and no shape. "Imagine if one morning everything in the world had turned purple..." Yeah, fuck off.

It's like a big Sunday lunch at a relative's that goes on for two whole days and you can't leave. And all the shops are shut.

Sorry Ponk, got to thumb this down. I'm a confirmed Christmasophile

"Christmasophile" = Latin for "bummer".

Bah... Humperdinck.

Look, shitloads of nice-tasting and thoroughly unhealthy food, excessive alcohol, presents, and, for once, the odd thing on the telly that you actually want to watch. What's not to like?

I bet you even like sprouts. Go on ADMIT IT.

I fuckin love 'em!

I love Christmas. And I ain't no homo.

I'm not really arsed about Christmas. I do like sprouts. I'm not a homosexual. Anyone else are to add to this riveting thread?

No.

For the record, I dislike sprouts.

I like Christmas. For the reasons outlined by MikeAlx.

Not nearly as interesting as drowning, I'll grant you...

Ha Ha

I like swimming so have categorised this with a thumb vote facility as not a good entry.

Great exercise etc but in no way interesting.

When I swim, the wider population remains safe: it's one of life's great hidden checks and balances.

It's quite fun as far as exercise goes. You can pretend to be in Jaws etc, and then see ladies in their sexy costumes.

It's quite fun as far as exercise goes. You can pretend to be in Jaws etc, and then see ladies in their sexy costumes.

Double-fuck.

Indeed. And I'm sick of people telling me I have "designer stubble". It's not - it's lazy bastard stubble.

It's a drag, but I find the danger element adds some interest.

Depends what you're shaving, I guess. Balls - exciting. Face - dull as. Someone Else's Face - exciting.

A cat could be brilliant to shave

But wouldn't that be like....a....shaved....pussy?

But wouldn't that be like....a....shaved....pussy?

Fuck.

But wouldn't that be like....a....shaved....pussy?

All together now.

Laser is the way forward

Not just soft. After .. what? 15 years of it? The magic is gone.

But the remaining two percent...

The remaining 2% is somewhat hoorific.

The remaining 2% belongs to routine

The remaining 2% features routine

The Horror

The Horror

That's his stage name.

You guys!

That's his money-shot catchphrase

Someone gave me the first one when it came out and said "You must read this". Read two chapters and gave it back explaining "It's a child's book." "Yes but it's..." "No fucking 'buts' thanks. It's a book for children and I'm an adult."

This is all true, except for the bits that aren't

I actually think the earlier HP books are quite enjoyable (never bothered after book 3). But Quidditch - now that really is boring shit.

Quidditch- I know it's made up but it's such a fucking stupid game, invented by someone clearly with no idea how sport works. It's like having a boxing match where at some point the fighters get access to crowbar to twat the other over the head with.

Now that would make boxing more interesting.

Isn't that just American wrestling, but with a steel chair for no particular reason instead of a crowbar?

I should have qualified that with a 'to do'...or something.

Admit it, you just want to look at his cock.

Are you MENTAL

Very probably. I should stress that this was my my overt attempt at humour in this list. My other entries however, I am unreasonably serious about.

I'm not arsed about lesbian porn either, for the record. I like the mental stuff.

Whilst I am a enthusiast of lesbian pornography, your explanation made me laugh so much I haven't the heart to thumb this down.

They're never proper lezzers though, are they? I want my lesbian porn to feature women who look like a cross between Alexei Sayle and Leigh Bowery AND I WANT IT NOW.

http://blog.talkingphilosophy.com/?p=2962

^ Most disappointing covert link to lesbian porn EVAH

I don't understand.

Years back she had a show on Radio 2, 10pm, Friday nights. I used to go to sleep with the radio on, but she was so fucking dull that I had to turn it off. All clear now?

Got it: interesting things send you to sleep; boring things keep you awake. It's all back to front.

Not quite. My suggestion is that something boring would indeed send me to sleep. However, she managed to be so boring that she became something beyond boring, which then actively kept me awake.

I don't get it. You were so overborder that this prevented you from sleeping? Why didn't you dilute it by watching snippets of something you love until you found the right balance and nodded off?

Thankyou for your enquiry. Watching something wasn't an option - I was listening to the radio in bed, and didn't have a television in my bedroom. I suppose, in retrospect, I could have read an enjoyable book, but that would have involved switching...

...on the light and getting a book, which would have impeded my progress towards my stated objective of falling asleep. To summarise - she was so boring that she transcended normal boredom, and thus also its soporific qualities.

Anyone capable of transcending the whole concept of boredom sounds quite interesting. Almost God-like.

I still don't get so I'm thumbing you down.

Kiss my arse.

I'm thumbing this down too. Kiss my thumb. Kiss my hot, stiff, throbbing thumb.

Why don't you both meet up and toss each other off whilst watching archive footage of her, since you both love her SO much.

Just to explain, for whoever thumbed this down, I am not referring to that man off X factor or whatever the fuck it was.

Hence why I thumbed it down. Wagner is the last word in Opera.

Wagner is the Black Sabbath of classical music. (That's a good thing btw)

Barbers getting thumb bummed, hahahahaha

No surprise you don't like Tolkien then, Barby, as they both ripped off the same old stories, pretty much.

Come now Mike. Both Rings were round and there the resemblance ends.

All stories rip off other stories as there is only, really, one story. *Carries on read Joseph Campbell

Robert Wagner? But he's a genius.

Fuck me. Of all the things I've posted on Listopia, the most controversial is this one. I'm unsure whether to be heartened or shocked.

We're dead, dead cultural on 'ere!