Listopia

-Did it hurt? -When? -When you fell out of the sky and caused the extinction of the dinosaurs you massive lardlord?

Come closer...can you hear my ovaries ticking?

Your vagina is on my "to-do" list

Can I do you from behind? Your face. It's not good.

Your face is alright, shall I get my rat out?

Did you fall from heaven because have sex with me.

Can I give your coral walls a splash of white paint?

Hello!

If I fed you carrion, would it make you placid, raunchy or aggressive?

You look like the kinda gal who could take a tired penis up her without sighing

Get your coat. Goodbye.

Your head reminds me of a kind of monkey

I don't like wearing condoms but that won't matter as you are so ugly I doubt I will come anyway.

You look like you have a disgusting cunt.

I know, let's go hang out under that flyover and neck some bath salts.

You're very pretty in this dimly lit room.

Do your farts smell different when you're on the curse?

Does this rag smell of chloroform to you?

We have to have sex now. They only let me out for the day.

You look legal-ish, let's plumb some depths

If you don't mind cruelty to animals, why not stab my beaver?

I'd like to deliver both my barrels into your sex-cellar

I'd like to put my massive tool in your damp and spider infested outhouse

Can I bludgeon some of your holes with my gash-truncheon?

Two, four, six, eight, I just felt you ovulate

There's a hedge over there with our names on it

Hi, Stavros McGinty gave me your number.

AW PWEASE, CMAWN! I WANNA PUT MY WINKY IN YAW WOO WOO!

I've got a canoe in my pocket that needs waxing.

I used to be a woman so I know where the clitoris is.

Your place or back to the sheltered accommodation?

Come on love, I'm in a great mood - urology just gave me the all clear!!

Want to come back to my taxidermy shop and get... mounted and stuffed?

I promise you two things; 1) I'll treat you with the love and tender touch a woman like you deserves, and 2) A bastard with a moderate learning disorder.

Let me take you to Valhalla with my mighty love hammer. I guarantee you'll be Thor.

You don't sweat much for a fat lass, do you?

"Hi are you my grandmother? No? Wanna come back to mine?"

You make my sex throb. Can I eviscerate you with my glans please?

Do you ever see Crimewatch?

(Deep seductive male voice) "Wanna know why people call me James Bond?" (high-pitched female voice) "Yeah, why?" (Wavering male voice) "Because I usually tend to say things with an added innuendo when I proposition, someone such as yourself, to come to bed with me and suck my penis."

I can make the earth move for you. In literal terms I mean I'll be digging hole in my back garden to throw you in afterwards. But there's quite clever multi-level meaning there when you think about it.

Come back to my place, you'll love it in my greenhouse seeing as you're a hor....ticulturalist.

Can I stoke your fire with my red hot poker?

Can I put my love quill in your foaming ink bottle?

I'll be done in two shakes of a lambs tail.

Can I plunder your gusset with my chunky drumstick?

Come on, pretty please? The back seat of my Vauxhall Corsa has been feeling a bit neglected lately.

We won't even have to worry about a johnny - my swimmers are completely inert!

Hey. Oh, sorry. I thought you were my fat sister for a second then. An uncanny resemblance. Seeing as you're not though, fancy going on the bottom at my house?

Hello. I'm Stavros McGinty.

Have you got room in your confirmation class folder for one of my 'Get Out of Hell Free' passes?

Awww, go on Mum, pleeeeasssse.

Hmmm... I had a couple of wanks earlier. But we can talk for a bit til I'm ready to go again?

Ooh, you've dropped something. There, turn around it's behind you.

I think I'd try to fuck you even if your tits were floppy. But looking at the size of 'em we both know that'll never happen.

I can cure you of being a lesbian.

Well! You're not going to get any better offers, you fucking munter.

As Kool & the Gang would say, (sings: "Get down on it, get down on it..." etc)