Listopia

Who Fucked Ginger? - 10 women are placed in a blacked out room after reading 50 Shades of Gray, 9 brown haired men and 1 ginger man are sent in for unprotected sex. After 9 months of furious premium-rate phone voting from the public, one of them will shit out a ginger. The winner gets a kite.

I Pitta the Fool - B.A Baracus forces a group of inner city orphans to produce Indian cuisine at gunpoint. Stay tuned for the spin-off 'I love it when a flan comes together!'

Heston's Beast Wing - Not wanting to be upstaged by Ramsay's foray into prison, Heston takes molecular gastronomy to the high security nonce section of HMP Berkshire. Expect loin-enflaming cakes shaped like foeti, and larks galore as the chef tries in vain to stop dangerous offenders from fucking the ham hock.

Who Needs a Problem Like Malaria - The 50 most annoying 'celebrities' in the UK are locked in a box full of mosquitoes. Who get's the sweats? You decide! Hosted by Bob Carolgees.

West Side Jackanory - It's Bloods Vs. Crips in this adrenaline fueled adventure into the world of infant reading groups. In this episode, lyrics from Dre get confused with Jack and Jill with hilarious results!

Dai Could Be Joseph.. 15 Welshmen all called Dai compete for the part of former Education Secretary Keith Joseph in Ben Elton's 'Thatch - The Musical'

Pudding On The Tits... Thousands of young hopefuls congregate in Birmingham's NEC to get gallons of tapioca pudding fired at their chestals from a massive hose.

The Million Pound Plop - Live... Davina McCall loudly cheers on a pair of phossy-jawed proles as they strain out a humming grogan onto a set of scales.

Gordon Behind Cars - Gordon Ramsey is let loose in a packed Tesco car park while Anthony Worral Thompson attempts to take him out from a cherry picker armed with a Barrett .50! Watch tensions mount as the drunk looking bloke from Masterchef rustles up a goulash with the remains!

The Great British Snake Off - Paul Hollywood is locked in a room full of rattlesnakes and has to beat his way out with nothing but a sharpened choux bun.

Slayed in Chelsea.... Members of the "Chelsea FC Headhunters" are offered major prizes to go out and kill pretentious no-mark wankers in the most inventive ways possible. Bonus points awarded for the prevention of the the phrases "Yah" "Totes" and "Amayyzing" and the annihilation of anyone called Binky, Bonky, Ponky, Snonky etc.

The Pube - Phillip Schofield presides over this show where contestants swim through a 12x12x12 foot perspex cube filled to the brim with short and curlies and pound coins.