Listopia

Shhhhh! Which ginger BBC royal correspondent likes to hide behind curtains at State occasions and play with his own 'sceptre'? He wants to be careful otherwise Her Majesty may catch him 'knickerless' 'which'll' never do!

Shhhhh! Which God-ugly, fat, racist simpleton has contracted cervical cancer after sharing a contraceptive cap with her schizo, skeletal, alcoholic, valium-swilling Mum? Lets' hope she suffers 'Goody' and proper!

Shhhhh! Which pint-sized purple pain enjoys wiping his 'royal' backside on shower curtains? The Holiday Inn chain and the Dorchester have reportedly told the effeminate little warbler to 'Kiss' off. Must be a 'Sign Of The Times'!

Shhhhh! Which pissed-up, junkie munter takes her mind off her husband's incarceration by knitting cardigans from her wirey 'Back To' black pubes? The fucking scruffy drunken baghead really should think about 'Rehab'!

Shhhhh! Which Portugese football whizz likes to 'step-over' the threshold in a wedding dress? The butt-toothed whingeing little pissfuck likes nothing better than donning a white gown and having his rectum 'United' with fat cock!

Shhh! Which toothy pretend RAF pilot's asked HRH missus to shave off her pubic Heir apparent? 'King Hell! Next time his big Will(y) makes an unscheduled landing in her garden, he's sure to find the going smooth, especially in the Middle(ton)!

Shhhhh! Which spikey-haired, wild-man Welsh actor likes to fall asleep with a stick of Coltsford Rock jammed up his ringpiece? Let's hope his 'Notting Hill' landlord doesn't find out or he'll never hear 'Sienna' of it!

Shhhhh! Which ageing pop star has been getting her inappropriate lycra knickers in a knot over her failed plans to staff an underground chocolate factory with adopted ethnic children? The authorites may not agree, but we're certainly mad on 'er

Shhhhh! Which ginger haired nazi-sympathising royal once offered heroin to his own grandmother? And when she refused, beat her viciously with her own swan? His name rhymes with ’Wince Larry' and he is not a peadophile...apparently.

Shhhhh! Which crucified son of Jehovah enjoys materializing his face onto muffins to get a kinky thrill spying on old ladies as they take off their corsets? He was caught twice and each time managed to fly to heaven shouting "Blessed are the meek!!!"

Shhhhh! Which late, well-loved actress and Dame liked to indulge in bestial shenannigans when not appearing in geriatric sitcoms or presenting religious TV shows? On a freezing night in a cowfield she could be relied on to thaw a herd!

Shhhhh! Which 'female' presenter of a post menopausal women's daytime cackle fest has a cock like a elephant's shinbone, and her husband does not know 'her' true gender and thinks her shitter is actually her foo foo?