Listopia

Hermione's breathless wand clench

Absolutely.

Though the daughter would probably try harder, what with being fat,speccy and desperate.

Hello!

I always wondered what you must look loke Lockwood!

Lockwood - are you Lois or Meg?

...or Peter?

Lois has a nice arse.

Think Peter, with curly hair.

fap

Oh you KNOW it, sugar...

Ahaha. Brill.

Lois isn't as hot as Francine off of American Dad.

Francine is a right goer.

....in Leon

Placed no. 1 in the "Top Ten Guilty Wanks" in "Nuts" some years back.

Thank fuck for that.

what were the other nine I wonder?

S Club Juniors

Haha yes yes

I put 'top ten guilty wanks' into google and came straight back to this list ha ha ha

There's something about him. Can't say but it's very nice.

He *made* you think that. About two thirds of the way through 'Svengali'.

No, he's calm, confident and assured.

Good luck girls. Let us know how it goes.

'You won't remember why you like him'

Or why your arse hurts.

'He's a hypnobummer / Hypnobummer of ladies'

She'd definitely have it!

She certainly adds an extra dimension to the term 'guilty wank'.

She's got her appeal (though I doubt it will be successful). See what I did there?

Less sexy that she's innocent, but she seems proper mucky, so yeah.

Less sexy that she's innocent, but she seems proper mucky, so yeah.

You know that she'd let you get away with some mad nasty shit, too.

She's looking quite old now She used to be hot as

She'd be wild in the sack. WILD.

That is sooo wrong!! I think she was about 12 or 13 when they filmed the first series. Put it on the 'guilty wanks' list, along with Natalie Portman in Leon.

Sportacus would get involved, trying to get you to bend into some wierd position, and fucking ruin it for everyone involved.

Rabidly right-wing, one of those annoying people who only ever talks about property values, but with a face that could have been designed as a semen receptacle.

Chintzy underwear, I guarantee it.

I'd rather do Sarah Beeny between the tits and then finish off down the back of her scarf.

GILF

GGILF

ARe you two choking on jism?

Better if she's moving, to be honest.

but he has the eyes of a cow!

Thats the secret of his appeal! I like him when he pretends to be a tramp.

I see, make sense in a crazy way

he has the face of a fat man, but isn't very fat. I still would

Too late ladies. He's married that awful fucking shit-stain of a woman.

It's a power thing, isn't it?

She'd get it and get it large.

Yes, I have a weird liking for her too, though I certainly don't expect much in the way of reciprocation.

I could wear a dress and put on a high-pitched voice.

I reckon I could bang the lesbian out of her.

When did Stavros become a Sir?

Crikey routine, seriously?

good one

yes yes a thousand times yes

Ratty little boggle eyed freak. Good actor though.

Oh yeah, I'd show her a naughty step or two.

Threesome with her and Allsop. My god.

Feeders, the pair of you.

I'd go for her and Victoria Stilwell. If I'd have been very naughty.

I would let her do TERRIBLE things to me.

She can't say "unacceptable". That is unasseptable. The sex doesn't work if they can't say "unacceptable" properly. It's all spoiled.

Man, that's so wrong it's right...

Who was more annoying on Buzzcocks? Jedward or Daphne & Celeste?

Preston.

Fucking dead right

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m_pQzeQqeVA

hammer time

I would. She's called Cerrie Burnell. Nina off "Nina and the Neurons" would get it too.

Agreed, on both counts. Not Miss Hoolie though.

The little nipple on the end of her stump has put me right off.

Christ, some people are so superficial! ;-)

I'd have a go on Miss Hoolie, no problem.

Katie Ashworth is the best Cbeebies bird. Nina is a close second.

http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Ray_Jones

Sweet Jesus.

Excellent!

thats illegal, surely?

ha, i was just about to add this...she's just so awesome...wrong i know

There are basically three question that have been raised here. I'll answer yes to all of them.

Or in that scorcese flick.

http://www.webuser.co.uk/news/blog/cammjones/342198/aol-s-connie-linked-to-expenses-scandal

Hence 'Connie'.

Maximum power.

She'd murder you afterwards though

Hahaha

Christ!! She's up there with Madge from Neighbors, Lauren Harries and Tanya Gold in the not even for a million quid...

I reckon she'd be up for a2m, well actually she'd have no choice in the matter!

oh my god my dreams have come true! http://www.cnn.com/2010/TECH/02/01/sex.robot/index.html

Can't say the picture looks especially promising. She has the facial expression of a wife who's just said: "and when's the last time YOU did any fucking washing up?"

A talking sex robot? wtf? Unless it says, "thanks do you want a brew" and then gets one he can fark arf.

She's lovely. I love her.

it's the smooth, creamy, galaxy chocolate voice she has...

Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens. Bright copper kettels and all warm spunk on my face. What?....

Rumoured to swear like a trooper. Not sure if that extends to 'talking dirty'.

I'm wondering about the situation where you'd be forced to have sex with a woman's siblings before you were allowed a go at her...

Any of the female Corrs but you have to fuck the bloke first.

maybe not the drummer.

yeah her too.

Not if she's moving around, then?

Not by the time I've finished, no.

I'd spunk on her head then give it a nice polish so she could look smart and shiny.

No opposable thumbs, see? dont tell me you're not tempted.

I don't even know if this is a shouldn't. Like, wasn't that the point of her? To link sexiness, chocolate and rabbits in the mind of a generation?

Now I can only cum whilst wearing a bunny tail and masturbating with a handful of melted chocolate and caramel MMMmmmmmh

You know who did the voice, don't you? Miriam Margolyes. FACT. (http://tiny.cc/tcokR) Still fancy a tug?

yes and thanks for offering your bizarrely muscular handed assistance is appreciated as always

"FUDGEBUNNY"

Either of them, to be honest. Or both.

She's on the cover of one of the wife's stupid magazines looking dirty as fuck. Tempted to smuggle it up to the lav and bash one out over her face.

Also real life maid marian, Emma Kennedy. Or live action anway.

It's not just me then...

No problem with that. Throatfuck, discard, repeat.

Her sex-tape is a joy.

"She's licking my arse"...phwoar.

You're dead to me.

Harsh but fair

His mouth is shaped for lady pleasure and he's no stranger to experimentation.

"Why beaker, you are looking strangely attractive..." (genuine quote)

One night of mind-blowing sex and then he just pulls out and moves on to his next conquest <<sob>>

yeah it's all 'Me Me Me' with him

Own up, now. How much did you pay Spadger, Mike and Mangosta to set that up for you?

I don't see your problem with Uma's feet, but I'm thumbing this up because it brings back happy memories of a tall willowy blonde from my distant past, who sometimes kept her leg warmers on. It's an interesting sensation when they're wrapped round your bum cheeks.

Legwarmers... it must have been the _really_ distant past

She got them out in some drama in the 90s. She steamed her boyfriend to death in a sauna.

I don't care about that. I only fancy her as Sybil (and when she's in Python)

Not as Amy Farrah Fowler though.

She has a very complicated name. But oh yes.

Wendy van der Plank

literally a wizard

I'm surprised the Daily Mail haven't run a story about the sexualisation of a schoolgirl complete with 2 dozen closeup shots of her short skirt.

Don't worry, they did: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2231167/Fury-Kingsmill-advert-sexualises-children-Shows-skimpy-teenager-posing-provocatively-skimpy-school-uniform.html Check out the SEO keywords in that URL though. Good work.

stop thumbing rose west down!

Looks horrible in Grandma's house but scrubs up to a very attractive lady when off screen

At least the resulting carpet burns would smell nice.

I rather think it would require more than doing the shake and vac to put the freshness back.

Jaunty Strumpet.

She has a bit of a Julie Andrews vibe. Ooh. New entry coming up.

She just looks like she'd do *anything*.

Yeah, maybe, but I'd be thinking of Julia.

I can't say it's sick, it's just really, really weird. Well appropriate for the list tho.

Weirder than Skeletor?...She's like a little Tessa Sanderson made of felt

Wizard's sleeve

http://www.listopia.co.uk/list.php?id=68

The Crow - Man's wife from Worzel Gummidge

oh jesus

Yes indeed. Despite the uncanny resemblance to Patrick Swayze in 'To Wong Fu, Thanks for Eveything - Julie Newmar'

ye

Only since they added the boob-bounce animation? They have added boob-bounce to every female cartoon character in those things. cunning bastards.

If it helps with stalking, her name, according to her Nectar card on the recent ads is "Cara Confused". Think of me when you spooge over her come-hither (arf!) bosoms.

I just watched this again on the weekend. Presumably you mean the bit where he's standing on the balcony topless, gut hanging out, with a fag in his mouth, indiscriminately shooting into the crowd? What a hottie.

No, it wasn't the fact that he was murdering innocent people that was sexy. It was the horrible suaveness of his uniform coupled with his good looks. I've read Schindler's Ark and I'm aware of what a monster the real life Goeth was.

also the mr soft sweets man, they are one and the same of floppety lust.

I think the most erotic dinosaur is the eohippus.

it means DAWN HORSE in greek or sometihng, I learnt it!

also the GIANT SLOTHE

these are all long dead erotic dinosaurs, they were efeated by a meteor lmao

deadosaurs haha

The Giant Sloth is a very interesting dinosaur, in that it's the only one that was a FUCKING MAMMAL YOU BELLEND. This was a public service announcement. Thank you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HNHAROU1DqU

The one in the light blue dress with a massive overbite?

Looks like Kryten with a blonde wig on.? Amy is it?

That's the one. Like a female Jimmy Hill.

A proper little madam in need of a sound spanking if ever there was one!

^ Oh dear. Did I really post that out loud?

^ They have to be at least 17 to take part, right? Help me out here, ffs!

This isnt even a case of trying to be risqué, I genuinely think she looks alright in spite of her facial scarring. I dare say she even looks better now then she did before her incident. This is starting to read a bit like the Daily Mail comments section. Erm...cuntflaps and knobsatchels.

I'd love a go on her too.

She looks like Niki Lauda with tits

Pix?

Even if you have to pull one off of Facebook and upload it somewhere for us to see

Whatever floats your boat - I'll see what I can do. But there's no F in 'on'.

Ha ha you want hitler invade your Pants (and why not)

Even Eva Braun didn't fancy Hitler on account of his yellow teeth

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/mugshots/celebrity/hollywood/macaulay-culkin

All of them, don't know why, I must have a weather fetish.

Even the really deformed ones?

Even more so!

Wearing mittens?

I've just accidentally sex wee'd.

How about a post-op John Kettley jiggling his unconvincing baps for you?

And again, my mum's going to really cross about my messy pants

Sian Lloyd.

...might look like a grinning ginger retard but big tits and you just know a2m would be a walk in the park to her.

I think that it is because mostly men talk bollocks about the weather and when an attractive woman does it, it is more mentally engaging

How you ever noticed how they rarely have tits of any substance? I think that's because birds with big knockers have trouble reaching across themselves to point to the chart, so don't apply for the jobs.

It's probably just to sidestep the daily jokes about warm and cold fronts while they learn the job.

Yes! Good call...

This would be hard going

Ruby walked as fast as her determined (firm, boiled thighs) could carry her. "I am on my way to investigate a man!" The camera drifted behind her, an uneasy orbit bound to the gravity of her stinking hot sex, and then, and then.. you could see her buttocks, mounds of weary fat and muscle so used to heaving the weight of her perfect tiny old frame about. They shifted, one, then another, like seasickness, as she used her powerful hindlegs to clamber up the steps of the designated erotic terrace.

"Hello, hi!" exclaimed Ruby, shitting off her own blouse as effortlessly as the shedding of aged translucent snakes. "How you like these?" she asked the camera. I wasn't sure if I still existed at all, yet some awful instinct guided my hands to her hardened walnut nipples. I paused, and in through the haze of my confusion I admired how they were not brown as I had thought they might be, but pink, like sores. Would they weep for me?

I was afraid to wring some deceptively clear yet poisonous fluid from her unerringly stiff teats. "Let's go back to the studio!" bleated Ruby, pointing off at something I could not quite see in the middle distance. She began to bleed, her skin splitting, a striated and maddening crimson map fell through my fingers. I took this dreadful omen to pull out my length and spray my shame into her immaculate stiff mane, curly and immobile.

I knew then that Ruby had a skeleton inside her, and that I had just made love to a ghost. "Let's go back to the studio!" I paused. I rewound the grainy, worn tape, 45 seconds. "How you like these?" she asked the camera.

Brilliant.

Fucking incredible. We should have a separate site just for seaotters' stories

OOOH SHE'S ACE

BILGE MY BAG YOU BILGEBAG.

Sometimes I wank so fast I don't exist. Do you think Azaal is THE Azal?

that bastard Bok told me that's how it was spelt

I'd rather have a pint.

A rationalist existentialist priest!

"Sophie Aldred in Dr Who" and where else would you find her?

In Les Dennis's bed.

Talking to that cunt of a puppet caterpillar in an episode of children's fact/magazine show 'Corners'

Isn't she the voice of Tree Fu Tom now? Not sure how this would affect things.

Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeah. Sorry, I meant 'no fucking way'.

ewww

As much as Miss Tobin would get it from me - until one or both of us started to bleed in fact - I can't thumb it up, as there is nothing at all wrong with fancying her, therefore this doesn't accord with the brief.

Yeah, looking back this entry was pure madness.

Me too. I'd like to lift up her layers of skirts and give her a right good seeing to. Whilst wearing a big hat.

Ooh! Leathery!

You like women that are handy with a nail gun?

murdery and oddly yelping ones

James Dean Bradfield fucked her after the Brit Awards in 1997, pop trivia fans.

As well as being the only spice girl that wasn't bloody irritating, she was also the only one that could actually sing a bit.

I don't like her any more. Turns out she's a cunt.

I didn't say I wanted to talk to her.

Deadwood garb, or Die Hard 4 bluetooth headset, chino's and lorry full of nerds? I assume the latter.

Yeah, you shouldn't fancy her because she wasn't drawn that way to be gawped at. She has a Quantum Physics degree after all.

I don't have much to say about this

Mainly cos she's my cousin - through marriage 'only', but still.

But if it's by marriage - then she's not your cousin. You can only be cousins by blood you can't be a cousin-law or a step-cousin

So just fuck her and don't worry

MMO and Ed Balls star in "Balls' Deep"

... can't believe you're giving me shit for Titmuss but you're all hot for Balls

Sickening.

It's bad isn't it. Only admitting to this because it's a virtually anonymous forum. Someone's thumbed it up though!

Don't know what you're complaining about, McGinty, you're well hot for balls.

Whatever my retort you'll edit it into something ridiculous.

He is omnipotent, scary.

Awww cheer up honey, I only did that once. twice maybe. I've had my fun with you.

I feel used, dirty and a little bit sexy too

It's because he called you honey isn't it?

Yip.

Power corrupts. Absolute power corrupts absolutely.

Power is the ultimate aphrodisiac - Henry Kissinger

I've sat on my Balls - Yvette Cooper

I saw him in a play and he was very good. But I don't fancy him.

But he's like totes gawj <3

(?Reader's voice) "Who?" .... http://www.siste.no/Innenriks/terrorsaken/article6118736.ece

it's the whole stern matriarch thingy for you isn't it?

There's a bit of that but, by way of counterpoint, I also reckon she'd love it if you mispronounced her name as 'wench'.

Cakeman?

Breadman.

sounds more like a pornstar

Carbprovidingsilverfoxman​

Got any carbs in ya? Want some? *carbs*

I have gone off him now, please reject

Whaa why what did he do DID HE TOUCH YOU SHOW US ON THE DOLL

Ha! No, he puts kisses at the end of every tweet. "Skyfall is epic x"

"Thats it for bake off now til next year , but carry on baking, I still want to see your bakes. See you all at @BBCGoodFoodShow x" STOP KISSING ME PAUL I DON'T WANT TO SHOW YOU MY BAKES ANYMORE

did you tweet him a pic of your floury seeded baps with a question about why your "crumb" was "too tight"

"If I press here - see? it is very doughy. If I put it in my mouth I can taste it's far too salty. And you appear to have a soggy bottom."

...Because you can't beat sex on a nice, clean carpet.

She had the shits when she did that advert.

Was that what was sprinkled all over the rug?

paedo

'obviously divorced' - lovely stuff

haha. You feeder!

*hides jar of mayonnaise and wooden spoon* What?

The big kids made me put her on here

I don't see why this is a shouldn't fancy? Despite what Exxon says...

I know-she's got that kind of posh/intelligence attractiveness vibe about her.

Even if she is as common as the cast of Shameless and as thick as pigshit

Jemima yes, Hamble can fuck right off the stuck-up cunt.

hahaha

phwoarrr

Jesus Chriat

Christ, actually.

Oh good lord.

Sorry nowt wrong with that - I have mentioned before that I find her rather comely!

She'd get it.

I've thumbed this down because there is no good reason at all not to fancy Kym Marsh — for I presume it to be her you're describing.

Sorry I had to thumb this down - either twin even with a wonky face would get it as a matter of course.

Pairs of twins always have one with a sharp face and one with a wonky one.

But everyone liked the one without the wonky face. Except me.

Just proves that you are normal and the rest of your friends are a bunch of gayers

I liked the wonky one better too, cos she looked more 'natural'

Natural, like she'd had a stroke. Here love, stroke this.

I saw her wearing a low cut top on Give Us A Clue in the early 90's and she's given me the horn ever since.

I like em big I like em chunky

Not half.

Plus, she's got an interesting take on contraception.

I she the hanicapped bird who isn't funny?

You're thinking of Sandi Toksvig.

And former Teletubby 'Po'.

Fucking Hell. Did she used to be a boxer?

I would.

*spits coffee out

I did not write the above, I've been hijacked, Routy is a cunt and I am going to have to google this Jessie Wallace now. Sigh

Jesus fucking Christ. data:image/jpg;base64,/9j/4AAQSkZJRgABAQAAAQABAAD/2wCEAAkGBhQSERQUEhQWFBUWF​BQXFBcVGBcUFBQVFBQVFBQUFB​QXHCYeFxkkGRQVHy8gIycpLCw​sFh4xNTAqNSYrLCkBCQoKDgwO​Gg8PGiwkHyQsLCwsLCwsLCwsK​SksLCwsLCwsKSwsKSksLCwsLC​wsLCwsLCwsLCkpKSwsLCwsLCw​sLP​

Try again: http://www.anorak.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/jessie-wallace-honeymoon.jpg

Even worse. Apparently, it has a vagina. http://www.hecklerspray.com/were-scared-of-writing-jokes-about-jodie-marsh-now-that-she-looks-like-this/201165035.php#comments

http://starzday.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/Jessie-Wallace1.jpg ALL IN

You are a sick puppy

*pukes*

>>>>>>>>>>>swims by. Must not bite<<<<<<<<<<<

Must...control...Typey...Fingers...Of...Pedantry...

Oh bloody hell... That's what you get for typing after a nightshift and before 4 hours sleep.

No I haven't seen her sextape and she is basically a skank, but fuck it..

Urgh, Jesus fucking Christ Lee. What's the matter with you?

It'd take the true king of England to pull me out of her.

Haha

Much less likely to happen now

Yeah but that's the only reason. If lockwood had been there he might have survived.

She would have blown his brains out long before the US Army, if you know what I mean.

Sorry Matt - googled this lady and I think she's too attractive for this list - unless she's your sister of course.

Yes, but she played a 14 year old lesbian schoolgirl in Sugar Rush, so I really shouldn't.

Wrong list surely?

Deffo wrong list. Should be on 'Girls You'd Have to Physically Restrain Me From Leaping On'

true dat

Blud.

disgust

^ Surely that's the point of this thread though?

you shouldn't. you really shouldn't.

If I could go back in time and kill one person, I wouldn't bother with Hitler; I'd go back to Burnage Secondary School in 1981 and throttle the music teacher who taught Noel Gallagher 6/8 time signature.

I'm afraid it was I who thumbed you down. Susanna Reid is a definite 'Should fancy - if you don't there's something seriously wrong with you'.

You are a gayer bumboy I am afraid

Of course if whtterz is acctually Bill Turnbull he might have a point.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R4LO7AYZ4l0

See below

See above now.

Haha. too fucking late, i still would like.

Not fancying Susanna Reid is for gays

You had me at 'Shouldn't Fancy'

PHWOOOOOAAAAAR!

Bumming great bastard bummers. She's up there with Matthews and Feltz but Shaun wants to make her his. I fear for mankind.

PHWOOOOOAAAAAR!