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Newsflash
How the fuck is that news?
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People die in wars
#1 - KodiakJnkpuncher log in to vote log in to vote chat
Princess Diana died in 1997.
#2 - Mangosta log in to vote log in to vote chat
48% increase in A grades; exams deemed to be easier; exam markers late and inconsistent; something about going through clearing; identical twins get almost the same grades; 6yr old asian boy gets an AS Level in maths
#3 - PC Lout log in to vote log in to vote chat
Footballer behaves like a young, rich twat.
#4 - AxemanJim log in to vote log in to vote chat
Elton John is a fussy gay
#5 - Not the face log in to vote log in to vote chat
£1.2m science project reveals that dairy cows who listen to Mozart do splattier shits.
#6 - MikeAlx log in to vote log in to vote chat
It's snowing, in January.
#7 - AxemanJim log in to vote log in to vote chat
Pope is a bit conservative. And Catholic.
#8 - Mangosta log in to vote log in to vote chat
You are not eating enough of some food group, or eating too much of another
#9 - KodiakJnkpuncher log in to vote log in to vote chat
Government does something. Opposition says it's wrong.
#10 - AxemanJim log in to vote log in to vote chat
Kerry Katona is a fat cunt.
#11 - routine log in to vote log in to vote chat
Gordon Brown fucks it all up
#12 - jimleh log in to vote log in to vote chat
Leona Lewis shows off her money to poor africans
#13 - jimleh log in to vote log in to vote chat
Poeple who go on holiday to places where they might get kidnapped, GET KIDNAPPED
#14 - Von Bleasdale log in to vote log in to vote chat
Tube drivers want six-figure salaries or they're going to fuck everyone about.
#15 - routine log in to vote log in to vote chat
Big Brother contestant sort of gets it on with one of the other ones (obligatory blurry close up of night vision scene where you can vaguely make out a foot, a bed and one shiny pupil peeking out. No boobs)
#16 - PC Lout log in to vote log in to vote chat
Someone's been blown to bits in Afghanistan.
#17 - routine log in to vote log in to vote chat
British girls are a fucking nightmare in The Med.
#18 - routine log in to vote log in to vote chat
Some unpronouncable middle-eastern country experiences car bombing
#19 - jimleh log in to vote log in to vote chat
Middle Eastern country decides they don't like Westerners / Jews / the country next door.
#20 - Barbersmith log in to vote log in to vote chat
Nick Griffin in 'bit of a knob' scandal.
#21 - madbloke log in to vote log in to vote chat
Somewhere in England, it's raining
#22 - KodiakJnkpuncher log in to vote log in to vote chat
Jodie Marsh has got her tits out and is trying to smile behind those dead, dead eyes
#23 - KodiakJnkpuncher log in to vote log in to vote chat
Government to make something fun illegal
#24 - dandandandandan log in to vote log in to vote chat
A teenager was stabbed to death in what is suspected to be a gang-related incident
#25 - PC Lout log in to vote log in to vote chat
Some people are all up in arms about redundancies because the jobs they do make no money but they think someone should pay them to do it anyway
#26 - PC Lout log in to vote log in to vote chat
Denise Bulger is still peeved about leaving her kid outside that shop.
#27 - Ponk log in to vote log in to vote chat
Paris Hilton goes to a party
#28 - exxon log in to vote log in to vote chat
Footballers shag birds.
#29 - routine log in to vote log in to vote chat
Jennifer Aniston loses another cock and balls.
#30 - jimleh log in to vote log in to vote chat
Inaccurate economic status report.
#31 - jimleh log in to vote log in to vote chat
Banks and bankers are cunts
#32 - routine log in to vote log in to vote chat
Liam Gallagher acts like a penis when he's had a drink.
#33 - routine log in to vote log in to vote chat
Some fucking psycho does something a bit mad.
#34 - Stavros McGinty log in to vote log in to vote chat
Catholic priests are brutal bastards.
#35 - Stavros McGinty log in to vote log in to vote chat
Murdered....for just 12p
#36 - damon green log in to vote log in to vote chat
Lady Gaga rubs shit into her eyes
#37 - jimleh log in to vote log in to vote chat
A Sky News source understands an unnamed politician has asked for a receipt. More to follow.
#38 - anderslimpar log in to vote log in to vote chat
Some CEO has managed to get a huge bonus despite being an exploitative, evil shit
#39 - KodiakJnkpuncher log in to vote log in to vote chat
Famous person with terminal illness still hanging on in there....wait for it...WAIT FOR IT!
#40 - Ardinno log in to vote log in to vote chat
Old people disapprove of something young people are doing, say it should be banned.
#41 - AxemanJim log in to vote log in to vote chat
Rooney scores a goal
#42 - jimleh log in to vote log in to vote chat
Some ugly women can sing
#43 - madbloke log in to vote log in to vote chat
Politicians are lying weasels.
#44 - routine log in to vote log in to vote chat
Petrol, fags and booze are going up in the budget.
#45 - routine log in to vote log in to vote chat
"Cheryl Cole smiles"
#46 - jimleh log in to vote log in to vote chat
Healthy stuff bad for you. Bananas give you cancer.
#47 - jimleh log in to vote log in to vote chat
Maddy has been missing for 678 days.
#48 - Stavros McGinty log in to vote log in to vote chat
That fat one with the lisp from Eastenders and Strictly Cum All Over My Face, seen shopping and eating
#49 - jimleh log in to vote log in to vote chat
BNP supporters 'have racist tendencies'.
#50 - madbloke log in to vote log in to vote chat
The Daily Mail knows more about social morality than you
#51 - BMXingWolfCorpse log in to vote log in to vote chat
Sex, tits & controversy used to sell a product, causing massive profits and pointless public out-cry
#52 - KodiakJnkpuncher log in to vote log in to vote chat
Inaccurate report on Inaccurate economic status reports.
#53 - Von Bleasdale log in to vote log in to vote chat
Someones all over emotional about something else that is not news
#54 - Von Bleasdale log in to vote log in to vote chat
Jordan has a fanny like a wizards sleeve; Peter Andre hugs his curiously flat-faced children and shakes his head disapprovingly.
#55 - Droog log in to vote log in to vote chat
Footballer's wife is / is not wearing her wedding ring.
#56 - c-tips log in to vote log in to vote chat
Some people claim expenses.
#57 - Robwhufc log in to vote log in to vote chat
Alcohol is good/bad for you (delete as appropriate).
#58 - AxemanJim log in to vote log in to vote chat
Large-breasted girls get good A-Level results.
#59 - AxemanJim log in to vote log in to vote chat
Everyone is a fat bastard and should be condemned for it.
#60 - jimleh log in to vote log in to vote chat
Teenagers are anti-social wankers
#61 - subtlemocking log in to vote log in to vote chat
New Reality Show: morons pay to tell market researchers what they want to buy, then pay again to buy it. Cowell gets richer, mainstream media further choked with utter shit.
#62 - MikeAlx log in to vote log in to vote chat
Jordan has a demented child
#63 - jimleh log in to vote log in to vote chat
BNP say something a bit racist
#64 - Von Bleasdale log in to vote log in to vote chat
Auschwitz survivor admits holocaust was 'just a bit of fun'.
#65 - spunkfight log in to vote log in to vote chat
Some tart's been raped.
#66 - routine log in to vote log in to vote chat
The lower orders are scum
#67 - Not the face log in to vote log in to vote chat
More Israel and Palestinian violence, if it happens every day it is not news
#68 - Von Bleasdale log in to vote log in to vote chat
Huge sinister terrorist networks, I have never seen one
#69 - Von Bleasdale log in to vote log in to vote chat
SOME OLD COUPLE GET BAGGED BY AFRICANS FOR RANSOM AND ARE NOW SEPERATED. BOO FUCKING HOO. SERVES YOU RIGHT FOR SAILING WITH PIRATES YOU FUCKING RETARDS
#70 - Bloblet log in to vote log in to vote chat
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