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Phil's pissed off about the length of time it's taken Minty and Gary to come back from lunch. Then he discovers they've been attacked by a fucking minotaur. 
Dot Cotton fucks up big style when she forgets to do Cthululu's service wash.
Things keep going missing in the square. Phil turns detective to track down the "tea leaf", but is shocked to discover it's actually a thousand-year-old griffin that's been building a nest in Pauline Fowler's minge.
Godzilla hungry. Godzilla eat market.
Ian cant understand why the cafe's so quiet. Then he notices he's just sold a cup of tea to a fucking Hydra.
Chaos in the Queen Vic as Max accidentally spills a werewolf's pint.
A new family arrives in the Square. The Family Ness, to be precise. It turns out they know the slaters from way back and there is no love lost. Then Mo gets hold of an illicit Thistle Whistle ...
A Sphinx is buying bananas from Peter Beal. Nick Cotton steals its wallet, and spends the lot on smack.
Ghita's head scuttles into the Queen Vic like the The Thing with Sanjay in hot pursuit. Nobody bats an eyelid.
swamp thing buys the arches off phil for a
pony and turns it into a fucking swamp
Martin Fowler reanimates dad Arthur's corpse during a grisly ritual at the allotment, inadvertently rousing a Walthamstow Nosferatu in the process (two episodes).
Willmott-Brown moves back in next door to the cafe and re-opens Ozcabs. Ian, justifiably upset, tries to buy him out, little does he know that WB has a throng of Manticores to do his pernicious bidding.
Minty starts dating a cockatrice. He thinks that this might be The One - apparently ignorant of the beast's two-timing ways ....
Mary the punk offers Freddy Kruger a bed for the night – much to the Fowler kids' dismay.
The residents barricade themselves in the nail salon as the enormous, hideous creature crashes toward them. Tanya: "False alarm, it's Pat".
Walford United signs a new apprentice striker. It is the Egyptian god Baal. For hard-to-understand reasons, he moves in with the Fowlers. But Nick Cotton threatens to lead the lad astray ...
Peggy is a head vampire and starts turnin everyone into vampires, only a small band of slayers disguised as Islamic terrorist working at the cab firm stand against them.
A stake must hammered in each of Peggy's Boobs to kill her and save the square!
A Bunyip takes over the car lot. After initial teething problems (a few gored children, a misunderstanding with Jane over a cheese bap), the Bunyip catches the eye of Max Branning and together they spawn a sort of ginger walrus, whom they name Jade.
An Invasion of the square buy giant eels, the residents fight back by trying to eat them, unfortunately the myth that cockneys can eat eels is exposed as big lie, no one can eat eels they taste like rancid cat food.
the show continues with eels
the writers finally do the decent thing and make late night 'stenders with full on fucking, proper swearing and continuous voice-over commentary from a sasquatch
Tears for Tanya as she spends the night in hospital recovering from a cement mixer treatment at Grendel's beauty salon.
Peggy pawns all of her jewelery after a mix-up in Middle Earth sees four Nazgul targeting residents of the Square.
Tiff's back! Oh no, sorry, it's a pterodactyl with
rabies.
ian Beale marries a giant fire breathing raven
who hates his cum stained bastard kids and
tries to poison them with nicotine patches
The velociraptor corners Dawn in the caff, "Not the falsies, not the falsies!" she cries as the tiny-brained carnivore scythes off a sizeable lump of mammary and silicon.
Sonia is shocked to discover that she is adopted, and actually the offspring of a chupacabras and a hippocrocopig, conceived round the back of E20
The aggresive behaviour of a stray dog befriended by Liam comes to a head when it rips Peggy's favourite trouser suit from her washing line and later devours her soul. Turns out it's Cerberus.
Tiff get's in a moody strop and threatens to leave Grant when a Wyvern monopolises the Karaoke in the Vic.
Much mirth as Big Ron comes back from the
dead as the Minotaur
Clare is a little frightened but yet slightly excited
to find that the Kraken has taken up residence
in her bathtub
Ian accidently wanders into Peggy's web but manages to free himself, as she's busy supping on the brains of the one out of 'Goodness Gracious Me'.
Male residents start sleeping in Albert Square at night, after Jim Branning is overpowered by a group of Popabawa.
Phil is sitting on a bench drinking vodka out the bottle, when one of the red ball things off Doom slowly floats past chewing on Ian Beale's daughter. Phil pauses, looks at the bottle and then throws it away.
Dot Cotton cuts her arm on an unusually sharp piece of laundry, Tanya offers to help but is horrified when she discovers that under the skin Dot is comprised entirely of writhing maggots.
Leprechauns smear dogshit over the residents laundry, and Dot takes the blame.
Dr Legge is missing a book of prescriptions. King Kong has stolen it and cashing them in for monkey growth hormones and methadone. To top it all, he's not even registered at the practice!
Things are looking bad when Brad catches Stacey in bed with Wellard. But little does she know that he's been putting her hamster up his arse during his lunch breaks.
Phil catches Ben singing and dancing to a Chitty Chitty Bang Bang DVD and becomes Kamikiri - the hair-cutting spirit.
